Green Eyed Girl
by renegadebabe
Summary: Paragade Kate Shepard wakes up from death, and where the heck is Liara? The Reapers aren't nearly as explosive as Shepard and Liara when they're separated. This is the second story in my Mass Effect series and it picks up where Buffalo Bill left off. It covers ME2 and starts out roughly canon, though it will diverge as the story goes on. Humor, sexy times and more.
1. Chapter 1 - Green Eyed Girl

**A/N:** This is the second story in my Mass Effect series. The first story (Buffalo Bill) covers ME1 and the first bit of ME2 where Shepard dies. This story picks up with her resurrection and will cover ME2 (somewhat abbreviated) and ME3. It starts off canon but will wander off canon as it goes on.

* * *

**Green Eyed Girl**

"Fuck You. What! What?"

"Shepard, wake up! You need to get up now and defend yourself. We are under attack."

_Who's behind the sexy Aussie lady's voice on the radio? Wait, aren't I supposed to be dead? Holy monkey nuts on a stick!_ "Who the hell are you?"

"My name is Miranda Lawson, and I am your, errr… doctor. Never mind that now, we're under attack and you need to get the gun in the locker at the end of this room. Now, Shepard! Do it!"

Shepard was stiff, so stiff, and her body ached as if the Reapers held a volleyball match and had used her as the ball. She remembered waking some time in the past and hearing this woman's voice. Two blurry faces looking down at her, and Aussie voice belonged to one of those faces. Then they sedated her. How long ago was that?! Fuck me! Did I not die? Are these people Alliance medical staff? Where's Moon, my beloved blue girl? Where's my crew! What the hell is going on here? This isn't just my personal Groundhog Day, this is Hell where I endlessly fight for my life without thinking. I'm no more sentient than the Reapers. I am attacked and I respond. Robot Shepard. Fuck, fuck and fuck again.

"Shepard, go now! For your life's sake, go now!" boomed the voice on the loudspeaker.

"I'm dead, dingle-brains Aussie babe on the loudspeaker. How the hell am I going to fight for my life?"

Miranda sounded like she was choking on goldfish. She gurgled, she sputtered and kept shouting "Now, now, now Shepard!"

Maybe Moon was here, her Liara. Maybe she should listen to down-under babe and get her ass in gear in case her team and her asari needed her. She ran to the locker and picked up the gun. Lock and load, cowgirl! Or at least lock and limp- damn her legs ached.

She passed computer terminals in the room outside the operating theater, and took a moment to snoop. Aussie babe's face came up on screen as she logged progress reports about Shepard's health. No shocker there. She strafed into the corridor and mechs mistook her for target practice. She took them out and continued on. She saw a giant mech killing a guy in a white lab coat who was screaming for help. Shit, there was no way she could get to him and Aussie babe kept telling her to get a move on. She finally ran into a living soul in the flesh, a dude named Jacob who was taking down the misbehaving mechanical bipeds.

"Wow, what are you doing up? This must be bad if Miranda woke you up early."

"Does it look anything less than bad to you, big guy? Where the hell are we and who are you?"

"I'm Jacob, Miranda's head of security. We're on Lazarus Station, where the women are strong and nothing ever happens... until now, that is. It's usually deadly dull compared to my assignments with the Alliance, but the credits are good."

"And how do you know my name? And if this isn't an Alliance station, what in the name of krogan buns on a stick is it?"

"Look, let's make this quick for now Commander. After we're done staying alive I'll tell you more. But you're the hero of the galaxy, how would I not know you? Your funeral was on every vid feed. And the whole point of Lazarus Station is bringing you back from the dead. Get it? 'Lazarus'… you know."

"Yeah, I have a passing acquaintance with mythology. OK, so I'm being revived by literate people. How soul-warming. So I'm not crazy, I really was fucking dead. How long was I out?"

"Two years. You were just a bag of meat and tubes when they brought you here. Takes time to build a human."

"Wait, so I'm some sort of robo-Spectre? I am still me? Or am I just some creepy clone?"

"Oh yes, you're definitely still you. I don't think you could program anything to act like _you_," he laughed. "I know it was real important to them to bring you back just as you were. And they don't do cloning here."

"Well, then 'they' really must be fucking crazy," she snorted before ducking to reload and take down two more mechs. They finished off the turncoat mechs and made their way toward Miranda.

"OK, dance is over Jacob. Now tell me more. What happened to my crew? Do you know anything about an asari named Dr. T'Soni?" Shepard worked hard to keep her voice even as she asked about Moon.

"Almost everyone survived except a few grunts in the lower level of the Normandy. Dr. T'Soni, Garrus Valkarian, the pilot, the quarian, they all survived."

Shepard wanted to do a Snoopy dance. _Yes, yes, yes!_ "Where are they now, Jacob? Where is Dr. T'Soni?"

"Man, it's been two years Commander Shepard, they've dispersed. That's a long time, dudette. I don't know where Liara T'Soni went, last I heard no one knows. Slippery lady." _You don't know the half of it_, Shepard chuckled to herself. _Wait, so Liara thinks I'm dead, and I've been gone for two years. Oh shit, crap and cramps on a stick. Have I lost my Moon and stars?_

They met up with Miranda. Dark, long hair, a great rack and a big ass all tied up in an Our Lady of Bondage low-cut faux black leather suit with a white bodice. Hmmm… not what I expected, but not bad. Aussie dominatrix then shot her assisting doctor pal, Wilson. Dead, gone and probably not scheduled for resurrection. It seems he sold them out and hence this big mess. Or so Aussie lady claimed. Jacob looked a little shocked. She liked Jacob: he was a straight talker and he still had the capacity to be shocked by unexpected violence. Miranda? She'd been oddly caring so far but you could tell; she was as stealthy as a snake running its way through your underwear drawer.

"So who the fuck set up this attack? I mean forgive me, but I've been playing Rip Van Winkle for two years and I doubt I managed to piss anyone off. That leaves you, Miranda. And whomever you work for. Oh yeah, and while we're at it, what do you and your boss want with little old me?"

"Shepard, we have to get out of here because I'm sure whoever did this will soon arrive to ensure the job was well done. We've got a shuttle; let's head to it and I'll explain what I can."

"Yeah, right. 'Explain what I can' is double-speak for let me bullshit you and stall." Shepard's hackles rose. "Aussie babe, I go nowhere until you answer those questions. I have a gun and a really bad sleep hangover, don't tempt me."

"You know, you were perfectly tolerable before you woke up," Miranda growled.

"Yeah, you and Chucknuts, get it in line Aussie babe. She said it better and long before you."

"Chucknuts, what the hell is that Shepard? Oh never mind. Just focus for a minute. We need to get you to the Illusive Man, he can tell you much more about the things you wish to know. And he has a proposition I think you will find very attractive."

"Honey, the last thing I need is a proposition from a man, but more info? I'll take 3 orders to go." _And what is with the silly name, Dick Tracy on a stick!_

"But first, the Invisible Man is your boss? What does he want with me?"

"Yes, we work for the Illusive Man. He has an interest in stopping the Reapers and he felt, God knows why, that you were our best hope. So he spared no credits to create this station, this project just to bring you back."

"And this Delusive Man, he's a trust fund baby? Or does he control a huge Red Sand cartel and he'd hate to think of a world with only machines since they don't abuse drugs?"

They paused chit-chat to board the shuttle. Shepard was getting answers and knew certain death (again) awaited her on Lazarus, so she decided to follow the rodeo… for now.

Jacob took over, and said, "He's the controlling interest in Cerberus. But they're not what you think. They want the same things as the Alliance in a lot of ways. But instead of spending cycles on paperwork, we really get to fight here and make a difference."

The shuttle was already several thousand meters away from the Lazarus Station. Too late to bail now, but gym shorts on a stick, Cerberus?! The 22nd century reincarnation of the KKK? Aliens bad, humans good? Not that Cerberus. Her aching bones chilled. I've been resurrected from sweet death to fight for the bad guys this time around? Crap, crap, crap! Oh gods, why do you forsake me? And forget it Zeus, Jesus and Mary: I ain't gonna do it!

They landed at the Cerberus station, and it was an admittedly cozy place. There were terminals aplenty, but who to send messages to, her teammates and Liara weren't exactly at the other end of a ToastyMail address. Forget Anderson—contacting him from a Cerberus address? Hah! That would mean an easy goodbye Shepard's most favored Alliance Commander status. That is, if a two year dead Commander has any kind of status. Gods, my life sucks. Or my new life, or whatever the doo-doo this is. I wanted to be Buffalo Bill in space, and that's what I got, but somehow the ending of that poem didn't stick. She was getting googly eyed and crazy now. Time to recite that e.e. cummings poem and chill for a moment, old girl. Yes, she liked poetry, fuck you. And this was her favorite poem since childhood.

"Buffalo Bill's  
defunct  
who used to  
ride a watersmooth-silver  
stallion  
and break ontwothreefourfive clay pigeons like that  
Jesus  
He was a handsome man  
And what I want to know is  
How do you like your blueeyed boy  
Mister Death"

So why did this green eyed girl survive? Wasn't death her best buddy and dearest enemy… at least until she met Liara? The orphanage nuns were now rapping on her knuckles for courting death, she could feel it so strongly that she looked down at her hands to check for welts. Sweet Sisters, they meant well, even when they hurt you. The fucking past gets old and moldy but never blows away like so much ancient dust. It clings.

Shepard shook her head and went to the galley to get a glass of water. She stuck her head under the faucet and ran cold, clearing water over her noggin. It burned her face just a little. She ran her palm across her cheek and felt scars there. Interesting. She headed to the latrine and looked in the mirror. Holy Zeus on a wind-up pony! She had friggin angry orange glowing scars on her face and her eyes had a faint red glint. Not glowing like wounds but like some cybernetic nastiness. What the fuck am I?! Oh gods, who and what am I? She pounded her fist against the polished steel plate that served as a mirror, and it refused her the pleasure of breaking. If she were the crying type, she'd have let go a gusher. Instead she shook her head bitterly and straightened her old N7 uniform that was somehow resurrected, just like her.

Shepard headed off to talk to the Illusive Man while Miranda and Jacob, who'd given Shep a little personal space, had a little pow-wow in a conference room.

"Man, Miranda! You were hard on the Commander with all those tests and insults. The woman was dead for two years!"

"Jacob, we had to do those tests and you know it. There would be no point sending her in to meet with the Illusive Man if she were a broken facsimile of the Commander Shepard you think so highly of."

"I thought you had more faith in your work. And I heard you thought highly of the Commander too."

"She's a bloody icon, Jacob. And she clearly had what it takes to tackle the Reapers, if anyone does. From my analysis so far, she still has what it takes. But that doesn't mean I don't find her off-putting and rude."

Jacob chuckled, smiling at her knowingly. "Like you thought Mr. Rogers and Mary Poppins were the types to end the Reapers. Welcome to Commander Shepard's party, Ms. Lawson."

Shepard entered the comm room, only to find herself surrounded with some sort of field. The Illusive Man appeared in front of her on a panoramic vid feed he referred to as a QEC. "And here I thought we'd be chatting face to face," she said with a sneer.

"Shepard, people like you and I know that certain precautions must be taken. There are dangers. After all, you've only been alive a few hours and I can't take chances."

"Agreed. So what have you got for me, Invisible Man? Why the big credits to bring me back, and do you expect me to kill aliens for your whacko organization? I hear I'm still me, so let's just make this perfectly clear: that ain't gonna happen!"

"Shepard, you misunderstand us." He took a deep drag on his cigarette and adjusted the lapel of his natty smoking jacket. She noticed his eyes glowed cyber-blue, a more soothing counterpoint to her god forsaken LED-red eyes. "We have nothing against aliens, nothing at all. Our goal is to protect humanity, and we know that several alien races share our goals. But the Reapers? They wish to destroy all organic life, and humanity is at the top of their list, thanks to you. You took down Sovereign, and we are now seen as a primary threat."

"Oh, OK, so it's all my fault, Iron Lung man?"

"No, no, not at all. You represent the best and brightest of human military might, and that equals the most significant threat organic life has posed so far. That's why I want you to be a part of our efforts. That's why I want you to lead our fight to fend off and destroy the Reapers."

Smart smoking man. He knew this was music to her ears: finally someone who'd listen to reason about the Reapers' threat. Someone less politically addled and boneheaded than the Council. But never trust someone who tells you what you want to hear.

"Shepard, the Reapers or their agents, the Collectors, have been attacking human colonies. Entire populations have disappeared and the Alliance has done nothing. I would like you to investigate and intercede before thousands more human lives are lost."

_Sure, hit me with the slaughter of thousands of innocents, fuckwad. Play dirty._ "And I'm your slave, Dellusive Man? You rebuilt me and I do what you want now?"

"No Shepard, your will is your own. You are free to do as you please, but remember, you are long gone and mourned as far as the Alliance is concerned. You have no ship or crew. I can offer you these. All I ask is that you use the resources I offer to check out what I've said."

"And what about my old crew? Where are they? I'm going to need the best if we are up against the Reapers. Where's Garrus, Wrex and Liara?"

"Wrex is back on Tuchanka and Garrus is working law enforcement. Ashley Williams is the only one who stayed in the Alliance. Liara has maintained an air of mystery and is hard to locate. My sources say she is working for the Shadow Broker and is not to be trusted." He watched for Shepard's reaction to the last bit of information. She tightened her lips and said nothing. Her eyes narrowed just a little bit; not quite the perfect poker face. He knew he'd have to wean her off Liara if she were to focus on her missions rather than her heart. But how hard or easy would that be?

"I see. They've all moved on, but maybe I can convince them that this is more important."

"You are most welcome to try, Shepard. We'll provide their location information, except Liara since her whereabouts are unknown. And I've assembled a list of the best and brightest whom you should recruit. Again, we'll provide their backgrounds and locations to you. Oh, and we have a few surprises for you."

At that moment Joker entered the room. Joker!

"Hiya, Commander. You look, err almost as good as new." He smiled and looked as thrilled to see her she was to see him.

"I hear there's no better helmsman than Mr. Moreau, and I know you trust him completely. I'll leave you two to catch up and see the new ship we've built for you. I think you'll be pleased." He ended the QEC session and the room now looked perfectly ordinary again.

"Not that I'm not glad to see you, but what are you doing here with Cerberus, Joker?"

"Oh man, you don't know what it was like after the destruction of the Normandy. The Alliance just wanted to make everything go away, even what happened on the Citadel. They disbanded the crew and grounded me. Imagine, me with nothing to fly? And pretending that the Reapers were just one little fly on a horse's ass? The Illusive Man contacted me and told me he'd get me a better ship than the Normandy ever was, and we'd be taking care of the Reapers with *you* in command. Imagine that. I figured there was as much chance of seeing you again as me getting a staring roll in Vaenia II, but hey—I get to fly and fight the good fight minus the Alliance idiots. Hell, yeah!"

Shepard stared off at the wall for a minute. It was hard to absorb that info. Udina? Sure, she could believe anything, but what about Dave Anderson? What do you do when you can't even trust the good guys to do the right thing? Fuck, why was she even asking that question?

"Well, I can't tell you how thrilled I am to have you Joker. Now if only we could get the rest of the team back."

"We can try, Commander. But let me show you our new ship, she's a beauty!"

The SR-2 was modeled after the Normandy SR-1, but everything was better. Not just shiny and newer but better weapons, a more advanced AI and more comfortable quarters. Her stateroom was a friggin palace. The fish tank in her new quarters was bigger than her goddamn entire quarters on the SR-1! Imagine that, a bloody fish tank! Schwing! And that bed is huge and cushier than an Elcor's ass. But no blue lady to share it with? Note to self: find Liara ASAP.

xxxxxx

Liara wasn't well. Her color was off and there were dark half moons beneath her eyes. She sat for hours in front of her terminals, watching streams of information pass, but those words never pertained to Feron, her missing partner, or Shepard. It had been two years (two years!) since Shepard had died, and one year, ten months and two days since she'd finally obtained what was left of the Commander and brought those remains to Cerberus. Cerberus of all people! Would Shepard forgive her for this? Would Shepard know she did it for the good of the galaxy and not just because she loved her as Shepard would say 'more than the moon and stars'? Their time together had been short, but she knew that Kate would see through the 'good of the galaxy' bit. Shepard would have done the same for Liara, galaxy be damned.

She rested her head on the desk. The wood felt cool and hard against her forehead, not soothing and warm like when she and Shepard touched foreheads. Her office on Illium was equally cold and uncomforting, as it should be. Liara wanted her business visitors to feel unshored, and unprotected as Shepard must have when floating in space. Alone, cold and without air. Goddess! You must stop this! She flared her biotics into a tight blue ball in the palm of her right hand and threw the last remaining potted plant against the wall. Her assistant, Nyxeris, came rushing in from the reception area.

"Liara? Is everything all right?" She saw the small broken geranium on the floor and sighed to herself. Nine plants down, would Liara really have her go out and buy more? Weren't information brokers supposed to be cool, calculating types rather than prone to small fits of rage and large bouts of brooding?

"Yes, Nyxeris, everything is fine." Liara looked up with eyes that were tired of the universe. Tired of herself.


	2. Chapter 2 Reunions

"Ah, love, let us be true  
To one another! For the world, which seems  
To lie before us like a land of dreams,  
So various, so beautiful, so new,  
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,  
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;  
And we are here as on a darkling plain  
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,  
Where ignorant armies clash by night"

- Matthew Arnold, "Dover Beach"

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Reunions**

Shepard prowled the new Normandy, checking out her wares. Everything was indeed a bit bigger, plusher and there were now four decks with her quarters taking the entire top level. The Love Boat goes to war. She discovered a new crew, and nearly every station was manned except for the senior team that she was to hire. If she stayed on, that is. She trusted the Delusive Man as much as the pimps on Omega and Miranda was maddeningly caring yet icy at the same time. Creepersville. The Commander found the new sick bay, and who was inside? Great green gods on a stick, it was Dr. Chucknuts! The doctor's head was bowed down over something on her desk, but Shepard would recognize that immovable gray coif and straight set of shoulders anywhere. Shep cleared her throat and the doc looked up.

"Oh, hello Commander. It's not every day I get to see my favorite leader risen from the dead. Good to see you dear."

"Doc, it's great to see you! But what are you doing here?!"

"Well, I've lived a long and fruitful life. I decided I was too set in my ways to be a landlubber; battleships are more my style. Action, adventure… you know."

"Uh-huh, and sexy turians with challenging body parts… OK, never mind that. So You and Garrus?"

"We've tried to stay in touch, but it's been hard, dear. The world is not the same as you left it. In fact, it's a righteous mess. You may be so impossible that it took something or someone beyond my powers to keep you safe, but the world needs you Shepard. Only you can keep the galaxy safe, it seems. I'd rather die with a group of fighters who are trying to stop the Reapers than stick my head in the sand like a woeful ostrich. And so here I am, one lover short but one Commander ahead."

Shepard's eyes wandered to the back of the med bay, where the room that Liara had called home had been on the SR-1. Dr. Chakwas followed her gaze and saw the warmth of memory collide with sadness in Shepard's green eyes.

"That's just a simple store room now, Shepard. We have a new lab outside that's much better equipped." She reached out and rubbed Shepard's shoulder. The Commander said nothing but her lips became a hard thin line.

"Good times then, doc. Glad to have you aboard, but I should go."

Shepard turned abruptly, before the doc could see the fucking annoying tears spill.

"Goodbye for now Peter Pan, may you find your Tinkerbell," Chakwas said softly once Shepard was out of earshot.

Shep wiped her face across her sleeve and headed for the mess hall. And freak me, who was there? Neil Licks. The Illusive Man had done a damn fine job of organizing old home night. Jesus Christ on a cracker, this was just too hard to believe. If only he'd managed to line up her old senior staff too (well, the ones that hadn't died following her on her crazy crusade).

"Commander, so good to see you in the flesh, and living flesh at that. And they say I can do amazing things with leftovers. Tell me, are you hungry? Did they feed you? How long have you been… err, alive?"

"Chef Licks, and here I thought I was the one with an unsavory sense of humor. I've been alive less than a day, from what I know. And I am fucking hungrier than a krogan in a pyjak pen! What have you got?"

"New outfit but same old military rations. I could really use some real ingredients if you get a chance next time we pass by the Citadel. But I do have what it takes to make a chocolate milk shake and a veggie burger too," he beamed a warm smile. Same old Licks, with the instincts of a mother packed into the body of a pudgy middle aged Einstein.

"So what brings you to Cerberus, chef? I know you're a free agent, but I mean, fancy meeting you here."

"I have family on one of the colonies that are being attacked, Commander. Two nieces that I adore and a brother that I can actually stand after a nice glass of sherry. And no one in the Alliance wanted to do diddly. When I heard you were going to head up a new ship and give the Reapers the proverbial stiff asparagus, I was all ears."

"Fair enough, Licks. I'll try to not disappoint you. After I chow down this snack and take care of a little mission, we'll chat over some of that Captain Scaberous rum if you've still got it."

"Oh, I've got two cases, Commander. It helps hide the powdered chocolate I use in the mousse, and I knew you'd be back for a glass or seven. Without Liara to keep an eye on you, I'm guessing it will be more like seven."

She looked down at the counter as the smile drained from her face like syrup down the side of a glass.

"There, I've stuck my foot in my mouth, I'm so sorry Commander. I'm sure you'll find her."

"Yes, I will Licks. I've got to go." She headed to Aussie babe's office, to get the skinny on their mission.

The Illusive Man told Miranda that they should visit an outpost called Freedom's Progress so Shepard could see for herself about those vaporizing human colonists. Intel said the entire colony had disappeared with no signs of violence and the Alliance wasn't coming for a look-see. So Aussie dominatrix, Jacob and Shepard took a shuttle down to the planet's surface. Shuttles, imagine that? No need for a Mako (bummer, dudette).

And it was freakin spooky on the surface. Abandoned buildings, vehicles, and the smell of meals not even a day old but not a single person in sight. Once again it was mechs gone wild and the machines attacked them for no good reason. Was the same Darth Fuckwad behind this mess and what had happened on the Lazarus station? The team took out the mechs and ran into a pack of quarians of all things. Not too friendly at that. They'd been sent to extract their man on Freedom's Progress. But right now they were more interested in seeing how far their lasers could sight up Jacob's flared nostrils. See what I mean? Cerberus, aka the galactic KKK, just wasn't too popular with aliens. Just when it was about to get ugly, who appears? Tali! Good old Tali!

"Shepard? How could it be? You are dead. And why are you with Cerberus agents?"

"I got better. Cerberus brought me back and sent me here to find out who's playing magic tricks with disappearing humans by the bucket-load, Super Suit. And hey, it's good to see you too."

"Oh yes, of course, I am very happy to see you Shepard! It's just a shock, you know. I came here to lead a squad to get back our man Veetor and to see what happened. I did not expect to run into you here, or for that matter anywhere. Keelah! Does the Alliance know? And Liara?"

"I was hoping maybe you or Ash knew something about Liara."

"I haven't spoken to Ashley for a month because she is on an Alliance mission. But no, we haven't seen or heard from Liara since we were rescued from the SR-1 disaster. She did not even attend your funeral. Oh my, that sounded bad, Shepard, I'm sorry. She was probably too stricken with grief."

Shepard exhaled and looked at her boots. Miranda cleared her throat and seemed on the verge of saying something but remained quiet. Shep shook her head to clear it and said "So what's the plan, Super Suit and company?"

"Let's work together on this, Shepard. We'll split up and create a diversion and your team can head to that building in the back where we believe Veetor is located. If I know Veetor, he panicked because he doesn't handle stress well. We better get to him fast."

Shep and company battled drones while the quarians attempted to fight off a Godzilla-sized mech. No way could they handle that, so she and her team saved their skinny butts. Then they found Veetor, babbling and rambling. He needed a good slap to snap out of it, but something told her she'd have a bevy of quarian guns trained on her if she smacked a little sense into bonkers Veetor. So much for her lone gun theory, the same person wasn't behind all the haywire mech incidents. He admitted that he'd reprogrammed the mechs and drones to attack in a desperate act of self-defense. Collectors had scarfed up the humans like unwilling Adopt-a-Pets. It was ugly, he was crazed. He was ugly with fear, poor fella. Miranda wanted to take him back to the ship for a de-briefing. The quarians wanted to shoot Miranda's kneecaps. Shepard intervened and suggested they might get the info from him here and now if everyone could calm down and let the squirrely dude calm down enough to talk and maybe do a data dump. Miranda wanted to shoot Shepard's kneecaps, Tali wanted to hug Shepard. Alive less than 24 hours and Shepard felt exhausted. And Tali was too deeply mired in geth-hunting missions for her own people to consider joining Shepard's merry crew. _Fine, like that didn't hurt. Balls!_

Back on the ship, Aussie babe was grumpy, Jacob was losing himself in gun cleaning and Shepard was missing that class clown, Kaidan. He'd have followed her around and said something completely camp or absurd that would have made her forget about the broken record that was Liara's tale. 'She's disappeared; she didn't care to show at your funeral, we're all real sorry for saying it over and over. Poor Shepard'. _Fuck you! There is NO SUCH THING as poor Shepard! Gods, why did life part two have to hurt so much less than one day in?_ She kicked a console chair (note to self, the chairs on the SR-2 are bolted down, ouch), and headed to see Joker who had been hailing her.

Joker was in love with his new leather chair at the helm. He was not in love with EDI, the artificial intelligence on the SR-2 that managed defense (she said organics were sadly slow for that job) and she probably snooped on them for the Illusive Man (she claimed to not have access to info about her snooping protocols). Honestly, she seemed like a chillin' companion for the lonely J Man, but he just bitched and moaned. Men are from Mars and sexy female AI voices are from Venus. There's that.

Shep headed to the CIC where Yeoman Kelly Chambers seemed to be awaiting her every need, and I mean every need. _Jeez. The Delusive Man got me a concubine who doubles as the ship's shrink_. She looked a little young to be the shrink and her Dennis the Menace freckles and strawberry blond hair didn't help. After Kelly was done informing her about messages on her private terminal (if it was Shepard's private terminal, why did Denise the Menace know what was on it?!), she started telling Shepard why Cerberus was her kind of beer and how she liked to take chances. Shepard smiled and nodded politely while thinking about 20 other things. That was all it took: Kelly prompted her with "catch me if I fall, Commander?" _Really? Really, she said that._ Shep couldn't believe it so she played along to see what came next.

" I wouldn't just catch you, I'd embrace you, Kelly."

Denise the Menace crossed her legs (while standing) and looked dizzy. Okeedokee. Time to get out of here. Next thing you know, Kelly was going to pole dance on Shep's leg.

"I've got to go, Kelly."

Tomorrow was Omega, where the Illusive Man had new hires lined up, including a guy called Archangel. May the Catholic imagery never leave her life. Sister Fatima would be pleased. Sister Angela would have loved this whole resurrection thing. Shepard missed the Catholic orphanage right about now. It was safe there, and the rules never changed. Unless you were Jesus, dead was dead and eternal life didn't happen here on earth. The good guys always won and the bad guys got a plague or were turned into a pillar of salt. Right now, the Good Book was looking like a good set of make believe stories and even Shepard's beloved Greek gods seemed tame and dull. Ah fuck, time to visit Neil Licks and get a drink or five. After all, no asari babe to keep count now, as Licks had so kindly pointed out. She headed to the mess hall.

Just like the last Normandy, no one ever slept here, and Chef was still at the counter. It was starting to feel a little like _The Shining_, as if he had been waiting for her all along. Next up? Horny hags in the bathtub.

"Chef, I'm here to take you up on that offer of some Captain Scaberous rum."

"My pleasure Commander, but I insist you have some of my most excellent hummus and pita to go with it. You did manage to hold down that veggie burger, yes?"

"Yes, my face looks like shit but my stomach is apparently ready for the next Not-Dog eating contest, Chef. Go figure. I'm sure it all makes sense to the Aussie ice queen, but not me."

He put out a plate of hummus and flat bread, and then poured the caustic rum. "So how's the first day of your new life treating you, Commander?"

"Freaky Friday, Chef. I'm still not sure who's who in the zoo, and my legs ache."

"Impressive if that's all that hurts."

"What's that supposed to mean, Licks?" she growled as she downed the nasty-nice rum that burned so good going down.

"As you know, my near death experiences weren't nearly as near as yours, but I'm impressed that you're feeling so fit."

"That makes two of us. Between you and me, Licks? None of this is real, right? I mean holy fried krogan balls on a stick, even I couldn't dream this up but it seems so real."

"Commander, I have to say you look very much real and alive to me. It's hard for me to believe too, but as we'd agreed, Buffalo Bill has things to do before Mr. Death whisks her away."

"Yeah, great."

"Commander, I know you miss your old team, but who knows, you may find them. And we are not all alone on a darkling plain, Matthew Arnold be damned. To be alive is to have good company around you. Present company and Captain Scaberous included, if I may be so bold."

"I'll drink to that, Chef. Another round!"

xxxxxxxx

Liara entered the plant nursery. Nxyeris was far too caustic about the mounting plant casualties, so Liara decided to shop for some new green décor to replace the plants she'd sadly terminated. Goddess, what had happened to her inner calm? Meditation did little good and she hardly recognized the bleak looking person she saw in the mirror. Simply put, she had gone too far in her exploits to recover Shepard and save both her heart and the galaxy. She was no longer a shy archaeologist and she had no desire to be that person again. Benezia was right. She was destined for bigger things, but at what cost?

She purchased 5 begonias, a few lilies and several flowering plants from planets she'd never heard of. She brought them back to the office on Illium with its unbreakable decorations (intentionally Spartan as they were) and sturdy furniture. She simply must get her biotics under control. The ruse of a cold office to intimidate business associates would only go so far. And her biotic powers were well beyond most asari. She had a license to kill, but so far the plants were the only ones suffering. And herself.

Nxyeris greeted her. Her asari assistant was a calm and patient presence that contrasted nicely with her inner turmoil. Nyxeris took the plants from her and placed them around the office, and then got out the watering can. Liara sat down at her large mahogany desk and stared at her information feeds. She directed data here and there with a surprising sense of pleasure and skill. She was good at unearthing data, after all. Be it dead in the dust like artifacts or her lover's body or bits of dirt on the galaxy's top politicians. Nyxeris ran her hand gently across the top of Liara's head. It was comforting and something more. No one had touched her like that other than her mother long ago and Shepard. Goddess, it felt good to be cared for. She let her head fall back against her assistant's hand and belly.


	3. Chapter 3 - Sin City

**Chapter 3 – Sin City**

"Yet  
there is still something you need,  
your body so soft, so alive, among the stone animals.

Admit that it is terrible to be like them,  
beyond harm."

- Louise Gluck, "The Garden"

* * *

Omega, how Shepard's heart warmed at the thought. In the old days, more than her heart warmed there. She was no stranger to Sin City and its queen, Aria. Her taste for asari dancers and a little of the grit she grew up with brought her to Aria's kingdom every so often, but it had been years since she'd last visited. The Delusive Man suggested she visit to pick up two potential team members, Archangel (a religious fanatic?) and Mordin Solus, a salarian scientist and professor. She took Jacob and the oddly stodgy dominatrix Miranda along for the ride. Miranda seemed to think she'd acquire a social disease if she looked at any one thing on Omega too long, while Jacob was busy eying dancers and the food court offerings. What an odd couple.

First up was a visit to the queen herself: if anyone knew where to find her targets, it would be Aria. They entered Afterlife, and after a little tussle with some bouncers, they arrived at Aria's private room in the club.

"Little Red Hot, you look well and unexpectedly lively for a dead Spectre."

"Yeah, rumors of my death were highly exaggerated. How's tricks, Aria?" Shepard looked out the window, spying the many asari dancers on the floor outside.

"Oh, still making the expected amount of credits, but what brings you here with such odious company. Cerberus? Even in death I expect better of you, Little Red Hot."

"That's a long story I won't bore you with, but we're here to look for a dude who goes by the name of Archangel and a scientist named Mordin Solus. Call it a team building exercise."

Aria sized up Miranda, and didn't like the protective look, sculpted hips and double D's. "Your companions look hot and itchy at the trigger, Little Red, perhaps they can wait outside?"

"No problem."

Miranda growled and Jacob shrugged—the scenery was much better outside in his opinion. Batarian henchmen escorted them out.

"Good, now where were we Hot and Red? Is there something we need to talk about privately?"

Shepard blushed. _Damn there was Moon's influence again: since when do I blush?_ "I'd love to lounge around, but we're looking to build a team to fight agents of the Reapers called the Collectors, and I hear the two guys we're looking for are on your Rock, Big, Busty and Blue."

"Reapers, they deserve another good reaming Shepard. I'd love to help you find your potential new hires, perhaps if we could slip under my satin sheets the words would flow more easily, as would other things…"

"I'd love to, my blue Queen, but time is of the essence."

"Yes, I'd heard you were smitten by a bookish Dr. T'Soni. Right race, wrong asari. But clearly your heart and parts southerly are elsewhere. Fine, Little Red, I'll give you want you need this time, but next time, you'll give me what I need," Aria said as she ran her hand across Shepard's scarred jaw and let her hand fall briefly across Shepard's breast.

Shepard cleared her throat and Aria laughed throatily. The queen of Omega told Shepard where she could find the two and she grumbled that Archangel was a royal pain in everyone's ass. The Blue Suns, the Blood Pack and Eclipse were likely to take him down before Shepard ever found him. He was a dyed in the wool Vigilante Man, it seems. Nobody likes a do-gooder in Sin City. Shepard wasn't sure she wanted him either. But Smokey Joe had good instincts so far, and she figured it was worth a shot.

"Thanks Aria, and I owe you."

"You can be sure that I will collect, Little Red Hot. Aria gets what Aria wants, and I've been waiting far too long."

"Ah-hem, roger that Big Blue." _And out!_

They found Mordin Solus after a long trek through the Wards. Man, the dude could spout out factoids like a Learning Channel infomercial on fast-forward. Seriously weird science type that made Liara seem like a chatty socialite. After some bang-bang, shoot-shoot against the Blood Pack who were stopping him from spreading the cure for the plague running rife on Omega, he was on their team. Miranda had a way with all things tactical; she was one chilly pill. She was nailing the enemy right and left, though her cleavage and tempting outfit probably stunned them and gave her the advantage.

Then they went after Archangel, posing as bounty hunters since every gang in Omega was after him. And who did Archangel turn out to be? Fuck me, it was Garrus, good old Dentures! Sneaky Illusive Man sending her to fetch her old teammate and holding it back like a Christmas surprise. She could count on Garrus to piss off even more folks than her while wreaking good on the galaxy. Chucknuts would be delighted. _Oh yeah! Garrus was back!_ And just as snarky yet sophisticated as ever. Good times.

They had to fight off Blue Suns, the Blood Pack and every other merc gang on Omega if not the galaxy it seemed. Gods, was nothing every easy? Garrus was winged on the face, but the rest of the team managed to escape serious injury. As Shepard helped Garrus hobble back to the SR-2, they caught up on old times. Yes, she was with Cerberus but fighting the good fight. Given his recent proclivities, he had no issues with her methods or her means. Sure he'd like to join her to skin some Reaper and Collector ass. No, he hadn't heard a peep from Liara in two years. He hated to say that Dr. T'Soni wasn't even at her funeral. _Fine, there's that again and again and again._ She snapped "even I apparently wasn't at my own funeral, so what?" _Firm, always too firm, that's me_. "Sorry Dentures old buddy, let's get you to the med bay, I think we have a doctor there who would just love to fix you up."

They made their way to the med bay and Shepard couldn't help but grin as they got close. The door slid open and Doc Chucknuts didn't look up as she said, "don't tell me Peter Pan, you've returned from your adventures with a few new holes."

"No doc, I'm fine, but I do have someone here who needs your immediate attention."

Chakwas looked up and sprang from her chair. "Garrus!" She ran to the turian and wrapped her arms around him.

Garrus winced as she squeezed his bruised ribs, but hugged her back and picked her up to twirl her in the air before kissing her squarely on the lips.

"Karin, if Shepard had told me you were the ship's doctor, I wouldn't have given her such a hard time about joining her team. But I really do need a little TLC, darling." He motioned to his wound and gave Shepard a wink. She knew Chakwas would have the turian's mandibles clicking in no time.

Miranda wanted to meet for a debriefing, which was apparently Aussie dominatrix lingo for quality time together. _Great. Awesome, thank you gods. Not!_ Miranda's white faux fishnet bodice and black cat suit looked as hot as ever. The woman was stacked and packing. _Friggin' hormones, Shep get a grip!_ She felt nothing in her heart, but parts down below had yet to be exercised since her resurrection, and clearly Miranda knew that. Honestly this hot Aussie woman didn't seem to have a heart in the conventional sense, what was her story?

"You wanted to speak, Miranda?"

"Yes, Shepard. How are you holding up after the missions? Have you experienced pain anywhere? I'd like to do a few scans on you to ensure that your implants are functioning as intended."

"The scars on my face burn and look like shit, the scars on my gut itch and my bum knee is miraculously bum no more. But my legs ache like two-day-old varren meat most of the time. You wanna know what really hurts? My friggin' heart. Here I was worried that you and the Delusive Man had tweaked who I am, but now I'm wishing you did."

"Shepard, I noticed you looked displeased with something Garrus told you. If you'd like to talk…"

"Yeah, it's the whole Dr. T'Soni business. Everyone who should know something says she vanished like a volus at a bank audit after I died. I just don't get it, she's an archaeologist, not a ninja. She and I were, um… she's very important to me, that's all. I just can't believe she's gone."

Miranda moved beside Shepard, and rubbed her shoulder. "I know it's hard, but it's been two years, Shepard. Two years. People move on. I'm sure she missed you but she also thinks you're long dead. And if she is indeed working for the Shadow Broker, it's no wonder no one can find her. Honestly, if she's working for that piece of trash it's also likely that she's changed and you may no longer want to find her."

"Fuck you, Miranda! I will see for myself." _Someday. Will I? _ "I'm sure everyone thinks I'm a psycho killer since I now work for Cerberus. But things aren't always as they appear. And Liara has more good in her than a gaggle of nuns, so there's no way she turned into Darth asari!" _Where are you Moon, can't you hear me, can't you feel me? Or don't you want to? Two years, people move on. Except the dead. Fucking Miss Lonely Hearts on a stick. Maybe she really has moved on._

"Well, at least let me examine your body, even if I can't put your mind to rest. You can lay down on the daybed beside my desk."

"Aussie babe, you put people at rest like a baby anaconda. Just sayin'. And I hate doctors, just ask Chuknuts. No need for an exam here."

"Actually I'm a scientist and not a doctor, and it seems you're much more comfortable with scientists. Now stop being an arsehole and get on the daybed. And please remove your armor and outer attire. The underwear may stay."

"You can fucking bet the underwear is staying, Aussie dom!"

"Shepard, I spent two years staring at your various internal organs and piecing you back together as perfectly as possible, right down to your cunt and runty tits. Now shut up and lay down!"

Shepard growled but complied. She knew the dayglow scars and her now twitchy biotics weren't signs of a perfect body and a quiet mind (as if she'd ever had a quiet mind). Miranda ran scans across Shep's lean body, consulting her omni-tool and entering data.

Miranda murmured voice notes happily as she went along:

"_The Commander's musculature is in top form. No signs of atrophy despite her long lay-up." _

Miranda ran a hand along Shepard's thigh. Shepard quickly shook her off with a scowl.

"_Reflexes in top form."_

Then she examined the scars on Shepard's torso and looked closely at the ones above her heart, which looked about to burst open. Miranda's hand absently trailed across Shepard's breast, snagging a cotton-clad nipple. Shepard sat bolt upright on the table, her red eyes burning into Miranda's.

"_Chest plate area not healing as well as expected. Will have to keep an eye on this. Erectile tissue functioning normally."_

Shepard crossed her arms over her breasts and looked away. Miranda leaned over to look in Shepard's eyes. "Focus response abnormal."

Shepard's hand flew out and wrapped around Miranda's throat, cutting off her air.

"Of course my focus is off you wench, you're diddling my goddamn nipples!"

She pulled Miranda closer by her throat, until their faces were inches apart and they could feel each other's breath. Miranda didn't struggle lest she have her last remaining air closed off. Shepard couldn't tell if Miranda was smiling or grimacing. The woman definitely had a sparkle in her now bulging eyes. _Creepers-peepers, what is her story? She looks even more turned on now, and that's not what I need to see!_

"I don't know what your kink is, down-under babe, but I'm not getting under you and this is the last time you play doctor with me. Now get the fuck out of here so I can get dressed!"

She pushed Miranda away by her throat, and Aussie babe took a big gulp of air, and then cleared her throat while licking her busting-out-in-roses lips. She clicked on her omni-tool for one last entry.

"_Physical strength and enhancements everything I'd hoped for. Subject is magnificent. Exam terminated."_

Shepard stormed out of Miranda's suite and headed to her Love Boat quarters. She pulled out a bottle of rum she'd snagged from the mess hall and stashed in her cabinet. _Drinking alone without even your diary for company? Breakfast of suicidals, Shep._ She drifted off to sleep on her couch with the rum bottle cuddled between her breasts.

_Liara wrapped her arm around Shepard's ribs, brushing the underside of her breasts. Shep's breathing stuttered sharply, and then relaxed with the warmth of Moon's embrace. The sheets kept off the chill, but left enough uncovered to make the Commander's breath ragged when she looked down and saw the blue curve of the asari's hip and her muscular yet feminine thighs. Memories of what lay between those thighs, less than an hour ago, tugged at her in tandem with the snoozy, sleepy safety she felt now. Gods, how did I wait nearly 30 years to finally feel alive? Screw the galaxy; I want to linger here for eternity. _

Shepard woke up and felt barren pain when she realized it was just a dream, a memory. How could such bliss turn into her worst nightmare? If only she didn't have to wake up, alone as always. Gods, please tear out my liver as I lay tied to a rock in the hot sun. That wouldn't hurt as much as waking up alone, without Liara T'Soni.

xxxxxxx

Liara pulled her head forward, away from Nyxeris' belly and sat up perfectly straight in her desk chair. Sometimes she could swear she felt Shepard somewhere, even though she knew it was probably the warmth of Nyxeris' touch and stomach that made her remember the comfort of the Commander's touch.

"Thank you, Nyxeris, that is all for now." _Goddess, I sound cold and dictatorial like Benezia. Nyxeris is not my servant; she is an educated and capable assistant who should have quit long ago. I do not know why she puts up with my tantrums and darkness._

Nyxeris pulled her hand reluctantly from the top of Liara's head, and for a moment, Liara missed its restful presence. _When was the last time I felt calm and assured? Protected?_

"You really should eat something, Liara. Why don't we go to the restaurant next door and grab something to eat. They serve a few Thessian delights and a wonderful cup of tea. I'm sure your information feeds can wait just a little while."

Nyxeris smiled at her simply, no demands. But the hope was clear in her blue eyes.


	4. Chapter 4 - Braveheart

**Chapter 4 - Braveheart**

Nyxeris sat on a park bench, humming quietly to herself as she tunneled her way through VPNs, made mincemeat of simplistic firewalls and let TCP/IP do its magic on her Oh!Pad. She was hacking into Liara's apartment data connection, and that was a pretty simple task since residential data pipes had only the most rudimentary security. Someday she might be able to do the deed more quickly and easily by accessing the terminals directly, if things kept progressing between her and Liara. The lovelorn asari was slow to enter into the dance, but she was becoming more trusting and dependent on Nyxeris by the week ('by the day' apparently was asking for too much).

The Shadow Broker provided her with alternate data streams to replace those Liara might find pertaining to his possible associates and whereabouts. Though quickly becoming a capable information broker, Liara lacked the Shadow Broker's plethora of connections, experience and informants, but she still managed to come a little too close to something pertinent on occasion. Of her own accord, Nyxeris expunged references to Commander Kate Shepard. There were rumors and reports of her walking risen from the dead on Omega, and while that might be bullshit, she didn't want Liara pulling away because she thought the love of her life had returned. And worse yet, it could be true; though it had been two years Liara since had delivered Shepard's body to Cerberus for a little rest and resurrection. Two years likely meant R&R had failed. No consolation to the Shadow Broker, who lost out to Liara in the chase for the dead Spectre. Nyxeris actually felt more for Liara on this one: she'd lost her lover while the Shadow Broker merely lost a lucrative contract.

In fact, Nyxeris found herself feeling too much for Liara lately. The asari was kind, brilliant, strong-willed yet still somehow trusting after all she'd been through. And by the goddess, she was a tragic beauty. Nyxeris had merely planned to woo her to make the maiden more pliable, but she'd grown quite fond of Liara. Had she not taken the Observer position with the Shadow Broker out of desperation, she'd like to think they might have had a chance together. Nyxeris' family on Thessia had fallen on hard times after a series of business blunders and they were nearly destitute. If Nyxeris hadn't earned top scholarships, she would never have attended and graduated from TIT (Thessia Institute of Technology), and that education had been her ticket to her current position with Liara.

Nyxeris packed her Oh!Pad into her day bag and headed to the office. Though it was late, Liara counted on her detailed (and sadly) false reports on the potential identity of the Observer. Ah, the irony. She'd have to prepare another false report for Liara's consumption tomorrow. When she got to their office above the trading floor, she was surprised to see Liara still at her desk, her blue face turned pale green by the terminal's glow and exhaustion.

"Dr. T'Soni, I simply order you to go home and go to bed. This is madness and you look like you've been trampled by an elcor. Whatever you're working on can wait until tomorrow morning."

"Yes, you're right as always, Nyxeris. The feeds have become my life. Perhaps I should take up painting," she laughed weakly.

"I have a skycar downstairs (_thank you, Shadow Broker, love the perks_), and I can take you home if you like, Liara."

"No, no that will not be necessary. I will take a cab."

"Well, it's late, so at least let me walk with you to the cab stand."

They left the office together and rode the elevator down to street level. Dubious news outlets and advertisers took advantage of the galaxy's slow elevators (_or did they pay elevator manufacturers to use slow motors?_) and bombarded them with news bites over the speaker: 'Sources report that the vigilante named Archangel has been rousted from that bastion of sin and fun, Omega, by various merc factions. Witnesses report seeing Spectre Kate Shepard with Archangel.'

Liara's eyes widened, and then she slumped against the elevator wall. Shepard spottings were as common as Earth Elvis spottings. Every week someone was seeing her in some improbable place. This one was truly hard to believe: why would Kate join with a vigilante on Omega of all places? If Kate were truly alive, she'd be on a ship somewhere, searching for the Reapers. That is, unless Cerberus had altered her mind (_goddess Liara, the Illusive Man promised they would not do that, don't even consider it_). But Cerberus wouldn't bother with a crazy vigilante on a nearly lawless asteroid. Stupid news channels! And if Kate were on a ship somewhere, she'd like to think the Commander would be looking for her as well. Somehow, it never occurred to Liara that in her secretive new life as an information broker, Shepard might not be able to find her.

…..

Back on the ship, the Commander delivered goodies from Omega to the crew: engine parts for the geeks down below and a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy for Chucknuts. Apparently the doc was giving Garrus' face time to heal, and she was hunched over a terminal all by her ownsome in the med bay.

"Shepard, feeling unwell?"

"No, no I'm fine doc. I just brought that bottle of brandy to make up for the one that went bang on the SR-1."

"Oh, you are most wonderful Peter P-, Commander Shepard. This time I won't wait for it to be blown to bits. Please join me for a drink, won't you?"

Shepard had been feeling a wee bit thirsty, but hated to drink alone in her cabin, and given her current state of mind, she couldn't face psychiatrist Neil Licks. Somehow he thought booze went hand-in-hand with self-awareness training, crazy cook.

"Don't mind if I do, doc. It's been a hard day, and a hard second life so far."

"I'll drink to that, my dear. Though I have to say things are ever so much more cheery since you brought back my turian. Thanks for that."

"I'd love to take credit, but the Illusive Man gets the nod for that one, and I really do need Dentures if we're going to take down the Collectors. So did you tighten up those clicking mandibles of his during surgery, or do you prefer him loosey-goosey?"

"Oh, goosey yes, but he's not as loose as you might think, Commander," Chakwas winked. She was clearly feeling the brandy's glow. Shepard nearly blushed, so the doc refilled her glass.

"Anyway my dear, it's good to take the edge off the loneliness of space travel. Much as I hate to be tied to land for more than a few days in any given year, it's nice to have more than Jeff and you to look after. And the Illusive Man didn't shoot his way through the slums of Omega to rescue our overtaxed Garrus, did he?"

"Roger that, doc." Shepard stared off at precisely nothing, and noticed the walls wiggle just a bit. Damn, those Thessians really can hold their liquor; their brandy has more bang than Wild Turkey 101.

"And you know, Garrus or no Garrus, you are the magnet that draws me and the rest of us. There's something about your determination and the way you always get the job done, Shepard. You give us inspiration and hope when there should be none."

Shepard looked down in embarrassment and poured a refill. The bottle was already half empty, gods.

"So…" Shepard was desperate to change the subject.

"And you are most fascinating: you swear like the sailor that you are, yet you have the heart of an angel. Even though your demeanor has been understandably dark these days. You know, I've done some research and your scars may well heal rather than worsen if we can only cheer you up."

Gods, Chakwas was surely plastered!

"Heart of an angel? That is precisely where you're wrong, doc," Shepard snapped… _firmly, always too firmly_. Why the fuck would anyone think she had the heart of an angel? How many had she put to death on Torfan? Wasn't she the one who watched and did nothing while her team members died the most revolting of deaths by a Thresher Maw? God had cast her out long ago, and only Liara had the slightest inkling of the dark things she'd done, yet still accepted her. Clearly asari had much lower standards than God. Especially horny ones and especially Julie fucking Andrews who'd even managed to feel sympathy for Saren. Crazy blue girl. _Where are you, blue girl?_

"I'd better be going, doc. Thanks for the brandy."

Chakwas gave a wavering goodbye and leaned her chair back against the wall. From the looks of it, she'd be asleep sitting up in 3-2-1, snooze-off!

Shepard dreaded it, but she knew she had to check in at the CIC. She was drunk, but that wasn't ever a problem. Fuck no. But she couldn't bear to face Kelly so soon again. Trouble is, I'm the Commander, how can I not check in at the friggin' CIC, morning, noon and night? Can I send a hologram? No Kelly would reach out to rub my arm and notice. There goes that. I could send Miranda, that black widow, but then I'd be stuck talking to her. Great green gods on a pointy stick, I feel like a pyjak caught between two hungry varren! I know: I'll sic Miranda on Kelly, or Kelly on Miranda. Or lock them both in a cargo bay together until they make like Tarzan and Jane… or Jane and Jane. _Oh fuck, I am way too drunk!_

"Commander Shepard, you have new messages at your—"

"I know, I know, Kelly: at my not so private terminal."

"Um, yes. I'm sorry Commander Shepard. Is something bothering you? Was I too flirty the other day?"

_Gee, ya think, Denise the Menace?_ Shepard said nothing and simply growled. Oh crap, that made Ms. Freckles' eyes light up. Great, just great.

"Permission to speak freely, Commander?"

"Denied."

"Oh, well… it's just that you seem very stressed and I do function as the ship's psychologist, maybe you'd like to talk later in your cabin?"

"Holy horny hanars on a stick, Kelly, I said permission denied! And the answer is no." Shepard growled again and Kelly backed away to her own station. Shep could hear Kelly faintly saying something about libidinous growls.

"Monkey nuts on a stick, I'm going to bed! Alone, Kelly."

Kelly blushed, eclipsing her freckles. Shepard stalked out, and hit the sack alone.

The next day they docked at the Citadel. Shepard was dying to see how the reconstruction had fared, and she'd hoped for a meeting with the Council and Anderson. Anything to get the Cerberus flag off her shoulder. And she missed Anderson. But first, their next hire was a master thief, again line up by the Delusive Man.

Not 30 paces from the dock, Shepard walked up to an interactive billboard that wanted to chat, up close and personal. It asked her for the secret word, and whose face appeared, but the mysterious thief herself, complete with a shroud and the latest lip paintings. Kasumi was all too easy to recruit. All Shep had to do was agree to recover her partner's gray box, as promised by Cerberus. She'd apparently already Sashimied her belongings onto the Normandy, that slippery scoundrel. This was a person Shepard could learn to like.

Shepard continued into the heart of the refaced Citadel. She'd taken Miranda and Jacob, two people who clearly enjoyed shopping and quality product. She knew Mordin would be bored to death, and with a hangover, she didn't think she could take his manic analytic chatter. Plus, she knew they'd keep her in check… funny how rejection and disappointment could mess with a girl's 'tude.

They hit the shops on the Citadel first, cloying and smarmy with ecommerce love and chatty sales people who wanted to capitalize on her once and great fame to increase sales. They begged for endorsements and offered discounts in trade. "Hi, I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite porn emporium." 'Beep, buzzer: that's not gonna help us improve sales of Citadel souvenirs, honey.' She bought fishies for the spiffy tank in her loft. She decided to just say "no" to the space hamster.

"Shepard, are you trying to offend as many people as possible, or are you always this odious," Miranda queried.

Jacob snickered. Miranda hissed and Shepard walked on. They followed Shepard, both eyeing her tight ass and swaggering shoulders.

A volus and a quarian were getting into it, something about a dropped chit and possible pickpocketing. A rare human C-Sec agent was trying to tidy up the ugly situation (ah, the Citadel, still so well-mannered). They asked Shepard for help and she told them to fuck off. She was no longer in the mood to play peacemaker. She had no inner peace, thanks a bunch.

Miranda gurgled and groused. Jacob looked away at the food court longingly.

"What Miranda, what? If you wanted Julie fucking Andrews, you should have hired Dr. Liara T'Soni, not me. Does Cerberus really want me to babysit petty quarrels on the Citadel now?"

Miracle of miracles, the Council did want to meet with her, so they made their way to the Presidium. Shep had to admit, the new parks were beautiful. If only she could share them with her favorite asari. If only the Reapers weren't aiming to destroy these parks, just as they did the last. Life was one goddamn rose parade after another. Once in the revived Council chambers, her favorite asari, salarian and turian Council members greeted her. _Not._ They thought she was batshit. Or so they claimed, those three maids who swept everything under the rug. Reapers? A figment of her imagination created by the almighty and charismatic Saren. Sovereign? A geth creation. Clever machines. She spit on Councilor Tevos' shoes and Miranda kicked her calf. _Jeez, this was like having a nagging wife with none of the benefits_. Then the Council told her that hanging with Cerberus wasn't winning her brownie points (no shit). Forcible ejection was looking likely when Anderson walked in. Apparently he was still the first human Councilor, thank the gods! He said he wouldn't stand for this whitewash, Shepard was a hero and she and her crew didn't imagine the beacon's message on Ilos. He was royally peeved; gods how she wanted to hug him. The Council agreed to reinstate her Spectre status, as long as she stuck to the terminus systems where the Collectors loomed large and the indigenes hated Spectres and all forms of authority.

"Gee thanks, fuckwads." Another kick from Miranda, and another snicker from Jacob. This was getting predictable.

Then Udina walked in. Sadly, Ginger's home cooking hadn't killed him yet, along with losing the Council position. Still the same old bitter buzzard and Earth ambassador. He looked at Shepard as if he'd seen the Ghost of Christmas Past. _Excellent!_ Then he threw a hissy fit at Anderson. Expected. Yep. Predictable. Check.

"Anderson, do you know what kind of shit storm you've created?!"

"Oh, go crawl back to your office, Udina. We'll talk about this later, though it won't get you anywhere: I don't answer to you anymore, old friend."

Anderson turned to Shepard. "He's harmless now, but useful. He attends all of those political parties I detest."

Back on the Normandy SR-2, Shepard was probably kicking chairs somewhere and Miranda had requested a meeting with the Illusive Man. She headed to the comm room and fired up the QEC at the appointed time.

"Miranda, I hear Shepard is firing on all cylinders. Her missions have been a success and she's already retrieved three team members. I'm impressed."

"Yes, well… our goals are being met, and her physical status is much as we'd hoped, but her mental state leaves much to be desired."

"Oh?"

"She's surly, foul-mouthed and violent. It's my understanding that this is her normal state of being, God help us. But as her short second life has progressed, she's become increasingly reckless and is drinking heavily each evening. She was downright rude to various innocents on the Citadel, and told more than one to, and I quote, "fuck off" when they asked for her help. If you thought Cerberus had a PR problem before, she is actually making it worse."

"Miranda, I know that studies of the psyche aren't your forte, but she is a marine and she's had an impossibly difficult life. They…" he paused to exhale, and he watched the rings of smoke drift up for a moment. His cyber-blue eyes gleamed. "They self medicate Miranda. That part worries me very little, but her sudden lack of compassion for those who need saving, that concerns me. At her core, she must act to save those who she deems helpless or her self-hatred will consume her as will feelings of helplessness. Are her implants malfunctioning or are they in need of modification?"

"Her implants are functioning perfectly, though her scars are slow to heal. Chakwas claims that has something to do with the Commander's attitude and happiness. She is not happy, in fact she is lonely. That much is clear. I've tried to get close to her, but she has so far rejected my advances, though her hormone levels peak when we interact for extended periods of time. Her mind is altogether too much on Dr. Liara T'Soni, and I can now see why you wanted to keep Shepard away from that asari. I believe her obsession with T'Soni stands between us and it is driving her toward increasingly erratic behavior. "

"I wanted Shepard to focus on the Collectors, and not her lover, Miranda. Clearly that isn't working. And though I demand much of you, I don't expect you to become her lover if you detest her so."

"Not a problem, Illusive Man. I do what I have to do, and she does have a certain magnetism. I'm sure she'd be a great fuck. But none of that will happen if she falls further into rage and darkness every time she hears a negative report on T'Soni. If I can't get through to her, she'll likely rip off her armor and chase after a Krogan husk bare-chested and screaming like Braveheart the crazy Scot."

"What about Yeoman Chambers? I thought she might be a good substitute for Dr. T'Soni."

"Kelly, ha! The crew has voted her most likely to be tossed out the bloody airlock by Shepard. You see, that's how bad her behavior has become; they are actually betting on such things. Kelly might be naive and horny like that damned asari, but she lacks the key ingredient: extreme intelligence. Though Shepard behaves like an adolescent simian, her intelligence is extreme, as you know. Kelly is simply above average, that's why I though I would be a far better match."

"Yes, Miranda, you've made point about that match, but there's more to the human heart than aligning traits. Let me consider the options. I think I may have a way to bring back our Shepard before she falls into the abyss. It could be risky, but it may work. I'll get back to you when you and the team return from your next mission. Goodbye."

…..

Liara lay on the bed, panting heavily. A line of sweat broke out above her upper lip and her pupils were dilated. _Harder, please Nyxeris, harder_. Her pelvis jerked up off the bed. _No, keep your butt down T'Soni!_ Nxyeris was holding her ankles down, trying harder to restrain her boss. Liara's leg and back muscles overwhelmed the smaller asari, in more ways than one.

Liara sighed and fell back on the bed. "OK, perhaps 50 sit-ups is enough for my first time in years. I give up for today, but I will do the push-ups next. I do not need your help with that, Nyxeris. Thank you for being a friend and what humans call a 'spotter'."

Nyxeris fell forward and dropped on her back beside Liara. This was exhausting and trying. Did that asari never notice the intimate positions they found themselves in? And now exercise? Goddess! Nyxeris loved a workout as much as the thought of bedding a yahg.

The ever industrious Dr. T'Soni had decided that the Commander was right when she said exercise wasn't simply important for physical strength, it changed brain chemistry and brought on endorphins, which improved one's mood and outlook on life. And should she ever locate the Shadow Broker, being in top physical form would no doubt be an asset. She no longer had her Commander to do the dirty work of fighting. It was time to face that, and to improve her mental state.

* * *

**A/N:** Next chapter Shep and Liara meet. Get ready for fireworks, or explosions!


	5. Chapter 5 - Observer, Homewrecker

**Chatper 5 - Observer, Homewrecker**

"The art of losing isn't hard to master;  
so many things seem filled with the intent  
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

-Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture  
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident  
the art of losing's not too hard to master  
though it may look like (_Write_ it!) like disaster."

- Elizabeth Bishop, "One Art"

* * *

_Dear fucking Diary,_

_Warning old buddy, you might get blown up just like the last diary on the SR-1. OK, now that we've got that out of the way, let's be honest with each other: life sucks varren eggs. Lots of 'em, fracking basketfuls of them. I hate you, and I've only just met you. I hate myself. I wasn't so fond of my first life and my second life ain't much better._

Shepard stopped to take a sip of rum and prop her feet up on the coffee table in front of the sofa in her loft. She couldn't live without a diary any longer. But on a Cerberus ship with cyber-snooping EDI, you could never be too careful. Shepard had ripped the wireless chip out of this OSD and applied three levels of encryption. The last thing she needed was the Ice Queen Miranda or the ship's slutty shrink Kelly reading this. And she kept it hidden under her dirty laundry (ironic, that) where no sane man or woman would venture.

_So Diary, how does it feel to know that nobody hates your guts? I'd love to know. I come back after being dead for two years to an at best 50% rating. Garrus? He gave the thumb's up, and the same for Joker. Tali? Cold fish. Ashley pretty much called me a cow-humping commie with halitosis today. We went to Horizon because humans were vanishing into the ether. And who's there but Ashley Williams of the Alliance. Is she shocked to see me? Sure, hell I'd be shocked too. Is she happy? Fuck no. Me being alive screwed more with her worldview than when she fell for a female alien. She called me a traitor, made me feel lucky that she didn't shoot me in the back and said 'have a nice life'. And I was her fucking mentor, diary! Her hero. Hey, I understand it was a lot for her sometimes small mind to digest, but give a resurrected hero a break, ya know? The universe cuts you no breaks, diary… no matter how much of an awesome space cowboy you are._

_Oh, and did you ask about Liara, confess: I heard you asking. She's nowhere to be found. That's been made clear 9 times in the past few weeks, and sometimes from folks I trust. What we had? Yes, it was beyond all compare. It was life as I imagine other people live it, and only the luckiest ones. Not schmucks like me. But it was short and now she's gone. Fuck me. Fuck you and the silicon you rode in on. Ask me again and I'll rip out your backup battery._

Shepard applied her triple encryption and tossed the OSD under her nastiest used panties. You can never be too safe or too gritty. Then she fell asleep with Captain Scaberous on the sofa.

…..

The next morning, Miranda summoned the slightly hung-over Commander to her office. After the last talk with the Illusive Man, she realized she was the one with feet on the ground, and only she could help the ailing Commander overcome her present issues.

"What the hell do you want at this hour, Miranda?"

"Good morning to you too, Shepard. The Illusive Man messaged me to say that he wishes to talk with your via QEC in one hour. I felt it best to inform you since you've been avoiding your private terminal in the CIC."

"Kelly… don't want to go there…" Shepard mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Yes, I know she is enthralled with you. Word has gotten around the ship concerning your feelings on the matter. And in fact, that relates to what I want to talk to you about."

"Don't worry, Aussie-babe, I won't space her."

"I'm glad to hear that Shepard. And though you may find her a nuisance, she is a bright and capable young woman with an advanced degree in psychology. She senses that you are lonely and in pain, and only wishes to help."

"She wishes to help herself into my pants, Miranda, that's all." _You know all about how that works don't you Aussie-sexpot?_

"Shepard, no one enjoys being alone. Not you and not her. And I doubt anything is more lonely than dying. I want you to know that I'm here for you."

"Correction, Aussie-babe: nothing is more lonely than losing the love of your life. Death don't compare."

"Forgive me Shepard, but I think the two events are related. It's not as though Dr. T'Soni snubbed you. You've been gone more than two years: I'm sure she mourned you for quite some time. But we all move on eventually and find someone else. It's time for you to move on too. Please let me help you." Miranda moved within inches of Shepard as she spoke the last bit, and then gently caressed the Commander's scarred cheek. Shepard didn't slam her across the room, so she drew her face closer and brushed her lips against Shepard's. A low, throaty moan twisted into a howl as Shepard pushed Miranda against the desk, then she grabbed the scientist's face with both hands.

"What the fuck are you playing at, Miranda?" Her red eyes bored into the curvy Australian's. Then she kissed Miranda savagely, setting the Ice Queen on fire. Miranda answered with equal violence and desire, foisting her thigh upward between Shepard's spread legs. The Commander deepened the kiss, thrusting her tongue far past those gleaming, perfect front teeth. And just as suddenly, Shepard pushed herself away and with an angry growl and shattered the terminal on Miranda's desk with one punch as she stormed toward the door. The terminal teetered and crashed to the floor with the faint tinkle of breaking glass.

As the door slid shut behind her, Shepard screamed, "She is not gone! If she is gone, then I am too."

Miranda suddenly felt as unpredictable and unstable as Shepard: she both wished to cry and dance like a volus with a signed blank check. The art and science of resurrection were easy stuff compared to human interaction. She looked down at the bits of broken glass that sparkled and wavered as she slowly closed her eyes.

Shepard stopped at the lady's room and washed her face. Tears filled the cracks in her face that seemed to glow with even more menace. How the fuck was she supposed to pull off saving the galaxy when she couldn't keep herself together for more than a few hours? She was becoming as despicable as those she fought against, terrifying poor Kelly and insulting random innocents. Gods! She dried her face, straightened her shirt and headed to the comm room for her chat with the Illusive Man.

"Shepard, congratulations on acquiring so many new crew members at light speed. I'm impressed."

"Oh yeah, I'm just a prince, Smokey Joe. And what do you want? Don't tell me, my next assignment is to fuck the hungry Aussie dom."

"Anything but, Shepard. I have a bit of intel that I think you'll be interested in. Very interested in." He lowered his cigarette and exhaled, his bright blue eyes glinted like stars through the cloud-smoke.

"OK, I'll bite. What? You've got a certain asari lined up for me?" The derision in her voice was clear.

"Yes."

"What?!"

"We've located Dr. T'Soni and she is on Illium. Rather than working for the Shadow Broker, she is working against him or her, and is apparently looking to take the Broker down. She herself is an information broker, and that's why it was so hard for us to get good intel on her." The Illusive Man trusted his bending of the truth would work, Shepard had no reason to believe he'd known about T'Soni all along. He smiled to himself and dusted an ash from his lapel.

"Liara, an information broker? What the fuck?"

"Let me explain something, and please let me finish before you say anything, Shepard." The Commander nodded in agreement. Anything to get info on Moon.

"Dr. T'Soni was the one who brought your body to us. I contacted her just after you'd died, and I knew if anyone would stand by you, even after death, it would be her. She didn't let me down. Once I explained that we might be able to resurrect you just as you were but with physical enhancements, she agreed to take up the task. Shepard, she loved you very much. The job turned out to be even more difficult because the Shadow Broker took an interest in your remains. We believe the Collectors hired him. Clearly if they had gotten a hold of you… well, no matter what you think of me and Cerberus, that would have been much worse."

Shepard said nothing. She slowly collapsed to the floor and sat there, legs akimbo and head down.

"I know this is strong stuff, but you are a strong woman, Commander. Dr. T'Soni is stronger than you may have realized too. And this task may well have changed her, but keep in mind how powerful her love must have been. When you meet her, be prepared for a different asari, but one who had great love in her heart."

Shepard looked up at the QEC display, and for once in her life, words eluded her. She opened her mouth to speak several times but only air and silence emerged.

"She needs help taking down the Shadow Broker, and if she succeeds that will throw a wrench in the Collector's plans and she may also gain intel on their plans and location. If she fails, it could mean her life. I want you to visit her on Illium and help her bring down the Broker. I'll provide her address."

Shepard nodded, still looking down at her lap, crumpled like a broken dove. _Gods, Liara saved me? What did she have to do? She must still love me, and even if she doesn't, I owe her my life and more. How could anyone love me that much? _Shepard drew a long breath, then stood up at full attention and said, "I'm on it." The look of determination was exactly the payoff the Illusive Man had hoped for.

…..

Nyxeris hoisted herself off Liara's bed. No easy feat. Her asari boss really threw herself into a task once she set her mind to it, and the marathon exercise routine left Liara refreshed and beaming a healthy cerulean while Nyxeris felt like she'd been trampled by suburban moms hot on the trail of a new Nintendo Wii U shipment. At this moment, she had no idea why she'd ever found that crazy Dr. T'Soni attractive. Oh, right: it was her determination and tight abdominals.

Liara emerged from the shower, and Nyxeris suddenly had no trouble recalling why she was attracted to the tall asari. _By the goddess, she is the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes upon. And that creamy white robe against her blue skin certainly doesn't hurt._

"Thank you for your help, Nyxeris. I feel invigorated and ready to get to work. How about you?"

Work was not one of the first ten things on the assistant's mind. She sighed softly. "Ready whenever you are, Liara." Her desire got the best of her and she walked up to Liara and put her nose close to the asari's slender neck. "You smell divine!"

"Oh, thank you. It must be the hyacinth body wash."

Nyxeris continued to sniff, "if you say so, Liara." She ran her fingers along Liara's cheek and watched her boss close her eyes for a moment.

"Right, then I will just get dressed and we'll be off," Liara stammered as her cheeks flushed.

_Hope springs eternal_, Nyxeris thought to herself bitterly as she watched Liara flutter away madly toward her bedroom.

Once at the office, Liara settled in front of her terminals. Nyxeris eyed the documents on her own terminal and paid a few bills. She noted that the feeds reported a ship named Normandy SR-2 had recently docked. An awful coincidence, she'd best distract Liara before she saw that feed. A call came in just as she rose to stride into Liara's office. Goddess, it was Kate Shepard herself! She wanted to make an appointment to see Dr. T'Soni ASAP; she was apparently just down the street. _Shit! That damned Spectre was going to ruin her personal and professional plans if she didn't think of something fast._ _OK, calm down and think on your feet Nyxeris_. She took a deep breath and offered to book an appointment 15 minutes from now. She had a plan.

Nyxeris ended the call and quickly finished her dull billing chores. She looked at the clock, and then she took another deep breath before entering Liara's office.

"Liara?"

"Yes Nyxeris?" Her assistant had a serious look on her face, and Liara stood up to meet her.

"I, I just wanted to thank you. The exercise session was exhilarating, and so was the company." She looked Liara in the eye, her eyelids dropping just a bit as she briefly shifted her gaze to Liara's lips.

"I am glad to hear that Nyxeris. The Commander always knows… knew what's best." Liara met the other asari's gaze, and then looked away as the color rose in her cheeks. _Goodness, this is so awkward. How I wish you were here Shepard, but you cannot be. And I cannot fight it, Nyxeris is clearly attracted to me, and how I miss warmth and being cared for. She is smart… kind…_

Nyxeris cupped Lira's cheek as her other hand caressed the electric spot at the back of Liara's neck, pulling her closer. She closed her eyes and kissed the doctor. At first Liara didn't move, then she seemed to respond with full lips that opened gradually like a delicious waterfall.

…..

Gods, I can't believe how nervous I am! Monkey nuts on a stick, I'm not 16, this is absurd. Sweaty palms? Check. Shaky fingers. Check. Dry mouth? Yeah-fuck. What if Miranda was right? After two years people move on, that is unless they've been dead and on cosmic hold. _Creepin' Christ, give me strength!_ But it's not like Liara was your typical asari; I mean she went 106 years as a virgin. She's probably not hot to jump into some bimbo's arms (or worse yet, some chivalrous and brilliant fucker's arms).

Shepard stopped at a flower shop on her way to Liara's office on Illium. She bought a single red rose. She stopped at another shop for breath mints and resisted a short hello to the bar next door. _Sober. Honest. Easy does it, cowgirl. This is for keeps._

She knocked at the office suite door and no one answered. What the frack? She'd made an appointment with Liara's receptionist or assistant or whatever she was. Shep knocked again and then opened the door. She stood in the main reception area and could see clearly into what must be Liara's office. Liara was standing in the middle of the room. Liara was kissing some damned asari! With her eyes closed and her mouth open.

"Goddamn Zeus in a tutu! Thanks so much for not beating around the bush, Moon!"

Liara's eyes flew open. No one cursed like that, no one else called her "Moon". It wasn't possible. Shepard? Shepard! She pulled away from Nyxeris who clung like Velcro. She met Shepard's green eyes, flecked with an odd red. There were glowing scars on her face the color of blood oranges. She looked raving and ravishing at the same time, another Shepard trademark. Oh goddess, no wonder she is raving, given the compromising position she'd just witnessed. _What have I done? Oh goddess._ Her knees weakened but she still tried to run to Shepard. The Commander started taking steps backwards and dropped a rose on the bare floor. Liara felt as if she were tripping across imaginary ravines and gullies. She would never reach Shepard before the woman had backed through the door.

"Shepard, goddess! Wait, please! I cannot believe it is you. Please come to me. Come here, Shepard! Oh sweet goddess Athame, are you real? I've dreamed of this so often that I cannot trust myself. I must pinch myself, this is another dream or fantasy." She looked around desperately for witnesses to confirm her hallucination, but the only other person in the room was Nyxeris who had retreated to a window as if she intended to hide behind the drapes. Liara's eyes grew wider and more googly by the minute. Liara pinched her hand, then her cheek. It hurt. Her heart became a small black stone as she saw Shepard's eyes fill with pain and rage.

"Liara," Shepard nodded coldly from the doorway. "The Illusive Man sent me, he said you needed my help but it seems you are well enough and in good hands. If you need anything, I will dispatch my ground crew to assist you. Either Garrus or Jacob can give you a hand."

Shepard turned about face quickly and flew down the hall. Rational thought left her. It was Shanti Udina all over again. No, this was much worse. She stormed past the trading floor and into an alley, kicking garbage cans and shipping crates. _Your own mother tried to kill you, face it Shepard. You're a capable weapon, not something to be loved._ She drew her pistol and started shooting crates that went off like Chinese fireworks. "Must be Lithium cells or ryncol in there," she though to herself clinically. Merchants came running out and shouted at her to stop. One batarian got all four beady eyes in her face and she body slammed him into the wall and then hit him with a left uppercut. "Boom, down for the count four eyes." She rolled her shoulders, hunched and assumed a defensive posture while she waived her Carnifex at the remaining merchants and bystanders who scattered.

Shepard entered the bar five doors down from the trading floor and slammed her pistol on the counter. "Ryncol, now! A bottle", she barked and threw 200 credits on the bar. The asari bartender considered questioning the red-faced human with the electric eyes, but thought better of it. Instead, she nodded at the bouncer by the door who used his omni-tool to radio into the precinct about a gun wielding drunk. Illium loves tourists and its quiet body and drug trades, not drunken thugs… so bad for business.

Shepard had downed her third glass of ryncol and swore that even the asari had four eyes. She muttered to herself and slurred "What! What?" at anyone who dared stare at her. Illium's finest, a team of mostly asari police arrived. Not good.

"I'm a Spectre with a broken fuckin heart, go away blooo laydees."

"Please, ma'am, just come with us. Let's keep this quiet. We'll verify your Spectre status at the precinct," said six-eyed lady cop number one.

"Wait, I recognize her, she's Commander Kate Shepard. She's a hero and definitely a Spectre," said Picasso-eyes cop number two.

"Well, she's still waving a gun around and is drunk as shit, we've got to take her in," said blue lady cop number three, or was that number one? They were blurring and doubling and trading places now. _Fuck me, how did Wrex drink so much of this shit?_

Two of however many blue lady cops tried to grab her arms and she flipped them both. _Drunk or not, nobody calls me Kate and nobody drags me out of a bar. Not even my blue Moon. Fuck that, my ex-Moon._ Then she saw stars. The bartender behind the bar had clocked her with a baseball bat. _Fucking low tech, behind my back cheat_. She was out like a light.

Shepard awoke in a jail cell with a grapefruit on the back of her head and a headache that rivaled the Prothean beacon's special kind of love. Her mouth tasted like gym socks and the scars on her face throbbed. She swore she could see faint pulsing orange on the dim cell walls, like the glow of a tawdry neon sign. How appropriate. There was no one in sight and the bars were heavy steel. Her weapons were gone and so were her belt and shoelaces. _Locked up like some suicidal loony, oh gym shorts on a stick. Why the fuck was I reborn? For this kind of pain and self-inflicted humiliation? I could handle myself better at 20. I could handle myself just fine until I met Liara fucking T'Soni. Miranda was right._ She banged her head against the bars a few times. Honest physical pain and cold steel. Good times. She shouted to get the jailer's attention, but no one answered. _I know, I'll get a hold of Miranda on the old omni-tool and she'll get me out of here._ No can do marine, the cops took that too. She slid down the bars, enjoying how they notched against her spine and ribs. She dozed for who knows long, until she heard voices. The jailer led Liara to her cell. If Shepard had nuts they would have shriveled. Her heart was tight and small and she forgot how to breathe.

"Shepard, I am here to get you out of this place."

"None of your business, Moon. You've moved on, that much is clear."

"I have not moved on and it is my business. I need your help and your team can't help me, I need you. That is why the Illusive Man sent you."

"Use me, abuse me but please let me go," Shepard sang with a country twang.

Upset as she was, Liara still rolled her eyes. _Goddess, give me strength_. She had to make this right, though it might be cycles before Shepard would listen. And she needed the daft woman's help.

"Shepard, are you still drunk?"

"I wish, Moon. Ex-Moon, that is."

Fine needles penetrated Liara's heart. By the goddess, she had been through so much; she wasn't going to shed tears now. Watching her mother die didn't hurt like this. _Goddess_.

"Shepard, by order of myself and your commanding officer the Illusive Man, I will get you out of here and you will help me."

"Fine. Fine. Do whatever you want Liara. And bring that asari wench of yours along for the ride too, why don't you. I understand, everyone moves on, except for me. I hope you two are very happy together and make lots of blue babies."

Liara had moved worlds to bring Shepard's body back. _Shepard is back: my word, it's truly her sitting before me now_! She'd discovered things about herself she wished she never knew. But this was too much. The cool façade fractured like glaciers in spring and she started weeping.

"Oh Jesus on a frozen popsicle stick, Moon, don't cry. I can't take it when you cry. OK, I'll come with you. Gods! Please, just stop crying." Shepard strained through the bars and grabbed Liara's trembling hand. Gods, it made Shepard ache to touch Liara, a horrible crushing pain. _She was spooning with Liara in their warm bed, the pebbly smooth skin against her bare back. Liara's laugh like a robin's light warble at dawn. So warm, so safe. Then she was floating in cold space alone. And she'd awakened alone, traveled the galaxy to find Moon orbiting a different planet now. Cerberus should have ripped her heart out and replaced it with a machine; it would have saved her this agony. Fool, fucking goddamn fool! Fool me once and fool me twice but never again. If I dip into that pool of warmth again it will swallow me like quicksand. It's a mirage, a memory and it's gone. It will eat you like a thresher maw, only from the inside out._

Before Shepard could pull away Liara tightened her grip and covered their clasped hands with her other hand. Liara began kissing Shepard's knuckles and Shepard bellowed like a wounded wolf. Shepard wanted to believe but couldn't let herself, she knew false hope would destroy her completely. _ I've lost my Moon and stars; her soft blue hand is no longer mine to touch. She's just being kind, worse yet she pities my pathetic jailed and jilted ass_. Shepard howled again, tapering to a low moan. The asari jumped back in shock and Shepard's hand slithered behind the bars to safety. Shep cowered behind the bars with slitted, red glowering eyes. Liara didn't recognize the wounded animal in its cage. "Oh goddess, what have I done?" Liara's back shook with sobs, but this time Shepard wrapped her hands around her own sides and rocked as she felt her soul blacken and rot.

* * *

**A/N:** I know, I know, it's a dark and angsty ending to the chapter. But a hyacinth will grow from the rubble and our lovers have some positively entertaining and lively times together next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6 - Shepard in a Teddy

**Chapter 6 – Shepard in a Teddy**

"O Eurydice, you who married me for my singing,  
why do you turn on me, wanting human comfort?"

- Louise Gluck, "Orfeo"

* * *

"Doctor T'Soni? Really Shepard, I'd rather you call me 'Smurf' like those less socialized humans."

Shepard stared out the Skycab window silently for a moment, then stiffened. "Who the hell called you that? Someone on my crew? The Shadow Broker's assholes? I'll kill them… if they're still alive."

"No one has called me that to my face, but I have heard the term used. It is all right, Shepard. But it is not acceptable that you refer to me by my formal title. In case you have forgotten, we have shared unions and each other's bodies. The time for formal titles has passed."

"Yeah, like I could ever forget, blue lady. That's my problem." Shepard turned away and went back to staring out the window as her heart and womanly parts did the tango for a moment. _Was Liara going to bring that up every 10 minutes, or would she ease off to hourly reminders? Gods, what did I do to piss each and every one of you off? Artemis: stop shooting arrows into my heart, bitch. No matter how hard this is, I agreed to help Liara, isn't that enough? OK, I admit I also went with her because I'd be stuck stewing in jail a few more days if I didn't agree to go with my 'respected guardian, Dr. T'Soni'. Jeez. How bad is it when a Spectre gets humiliated by mere cops and one blue babe? Way to go, Shep. Asshole. And don't think it isn't pissing me off that I feel so much calmer just being with that blue babe. Even better than calm until I remember she's someone else's now. Then… gods, all the rum in the world can't drown out that pain. Only death will do. To think I'd actually started fearing death after I met T'Soni. I worried that fear would get in the way of work. Problemo solved._

The sights of Nos Astra passed by silently, everything a pleasant blur. They'd left the police station and were heading to Liara's apartment since she feared her office might be bugged. And if Shepard saw Nyxeris again? By the goddess, she didn't want to imagine what might happen. Shepard sat next to her with all the restraint of a restless cougar. _Ah, at least she is alive and she is my wild animal, though dangerously wounded and in pain. But I can fix this, somehow. She is alive! Goddess, I never thought of the ways death might change her. The ways that *I* changed her. Benezia, why can't you be here, when I so desperately need your advice! _

"Can I please have my Carnifex back?" Shepard asked sullenly, tearing apart the silence. Shepard hated silence. "Can I?" At least the cops had returned her shoelaces and omni-tool, but they wouldn't trust her with the sidearm.

"Not yet, Kate."

"And if we run into bad guys, what am I supposed to do, strangle them with my bra, ninja style?"

"You do not wear a bra."

_There, you see! Less than 10 minutes and she'd already done it again. Crafty asari._

"Maybe Miranda enhanced my breasts."

Liara turned to Shepard and smirked, "I do have eyes, you know. Apparently some things never change."

"You seemed to like them just fine before."

"And I like them even more now."

"OK, just how did we get on this conversation train, and when's the next stop? Or do I have to jump?"

Liara let out a small smile and reached to pat Shepard's knee. Shepard pulled her knees together and crushed them against the cab's wall. "Don't touch, T'Soni." Liara sighed and returned to watching the sights pass quietly by.

…..

Miranda paced in front of the QEC, waiting for the Illusive Man to connect. When he did, she barked: "How could you send Shepard to T'Soni, don't you know how dangerous that may be? This isn't some kind of fairy tale you know. I spent two years rebuilding that woman, and I don't want to see my hard work wasted when she blows herself up because T'Soni didn't hug her properly."

"Miranda, remember who signs your paychecks. You may discuss my decisions with me, but you aren't paid highly enough to rant or question. Am I clear?"

"Yes, yes… I'm sorry, it's just that this may turn into one bloody big mess, and I've worked so hard for this. You took a—it's a risky..."

"Shepard is risky business, and we'll both have to become comfortable with that. The best fighters and battle strategists are successful exactly because they are unpredictable and volatile. And it was painfully obvious that we were losing her. I simply sought to mitigate that loss any way possible."

"But sending her to that woman? The source of all her turmoil?"

"Miranda, you may be her savior, but you are not her creator. She has got to live her life as she sees fit. And from my brief interactions with the doctor when she agreed to recover Shepard's body, she isn't any more capable of letting Shepard go than Shepard is capable of letting her go. Only you could save Shepard's body, but if I'm right, only Dr. T'Soni can save her mind. Let her go, Miranda, that's an order."

"Yes sir." Miranda looked away and squinted into the darkness.

"Good," the smoking man exhaled, nodding his head briefly.

I'll report as soon as I hear back from her. She's been gone over a day now. Her omni-tool has been offline for much of that time."

"I understand your concern, but she's a grown woman, and perhaps the most powerful woman in the galaxy. Give her some time. Goodbye."

Miranda grunted and kicked the conference table, then threw over a chair. _Oh perfect, now I am as daft as Shepard. _She went to find Garrus and Jacob.

…..

"OK, so spill your guts, T'Soni: what's your beef with the Shadow Broker and why do you need little old me to help you when I've got a capable team that can do the job for you? Nice apartment, by the way. Bet you and whatshername have a ball here: lots of space for rough and tumble melds."

"Goddess, give me strength. Shepard, sit down. I have something to tell you."

Shepard's stomach hit her heart at light speed. _Uh-oh, here it comes, that 'I've moved on to someone else' speech, complete with graphic explanations as to why column B is way better than you sucker, column A._ "Um, I have to go to the bathroom, Liara."

"Shepard, there is no window in the bathroom."

_Fuck, how does she know me so well?! And here I thought I was unpredictable. And where, O where is my gun?_

Liara had no idea whether Shepard knew that she had chased the galaxy for her body and brought it to Cerberus. Such information might make the already volatile Commander lose what little grip remained on her self-control. But the asari had made a pact with herself and Shepard soon after they'd first met: she would never lie to the Commander. Kate had grown up surrounded by lies and betrayal, and trusted no one as a result. Liara would always be different. _Until I wasn't, and kissed Nyxeris in front of Shepard._

"Shepard, this is most difficult, and you may hate me—"

"Please, Liara, let's not do this."

"Please be quiet for once in your life, Shepard! I was the one who gave your body to Cerberus." Liara's fingers knotted and unknotted as she fixed her gaze on her busy hands. Shepard said nothing. _Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Goddess! _She continued, "It was not easy locating your body, and I had to harm people along the way. Mostly members of the Shadow Broker's squad. You see, he was after your body as well. For that I hate him. What kind of repulsive person goes to such great lengths just for money? When the galaxy was at stake… and my heart," she trailed off. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she turned away. Shepard hated tears. Shepard probably hated her all the more now.

"Moon, err, Liara. I know. The Illusive Man told me when he gave me your address and said you needed my help." Shepard's voice was soft and kind.

"Really? You know?" Liara snuffled.

"Yes, and thank you. I can't imagine why anyone would love me so much. To do what you must've done when it's so against who you are." Shepard's eyes were wet and drippy. _Fuck_. "I'll do whatever you need, I at least owe that to you."

Liara looked at Shepard with those big blue doe eyes. Shepard nodded and turned away.

"I had a partner—at first he was my adversary but we joined sides against the Shadow Broker. He gave his life to save mine from the Broker. I absolutely must find the Shadow Broker's lair and get him back if he's still alive."

"That's why you want to find the Shadow Broker so badly? For your ex-partner?"

"Yes, if Feron is still alive, I must have him back!"

Shepard blew air past her lips and looked up at the ceiling. Her mouth took a bitter turn down. "Feron? Feron huh. Does Nyxeris know about Feron? And does Feron know about Nyxeris?"

Liara's eyes tinged with fire as she resisted clenching her fists into biotic balls. "Nyxeris most certainly knows about Feron because she has been assisting me in finding him for some time. You know? Assisting? You should try it some time, it used to look so good on you. And Feron? If he's still alive, he knows nothing because the Broker has held him prisoner and likely tortured him for the past two years. If you know anything of the Shadow Broker's ways, you know that this may indeed be a worse fate than death. He suffered this fate because he was a loyal friend who was helping me recover your body."

"Roger that," Shepard said coolly. She wanted to join a tequila worm at the bottom of a bottle. _Two lovers? Two? Really? And now I have double the guilt on my tired Catholic soul? _ "I need to go back to the ship. Can I have my gun now?"

"You are not going anywhere Commander Shepard until you help me. And you are in no shape to go anywhere with or without your gun. I will not bail you out again after you threaten to shoot up Eternity or some other bar. I have put sheets on the daybed in the living room. You may sleep there. Tomorrow, we will search for the Observer."

"The Observer?"

"Yes. Someone is feeding information about my activities to the Shadow Broker and they have been watching my every move. We will not get anywhere until we find that person. Goodnight, Shepard. You may wear one of my sleeping shirts if you like since your clothes smell like a batarian brewery. Put them in the wash."

Shepard slept on Liara's couch. She thought about contacting the Normandy, but why bother? To chat with Miranda and Kelly? Fuck that. If they needed her, they'd call. She tossed and turned in one of T'Soni's distinctly feminine teddies. This had to be a fucking twisted bad dream. But she couldn't sleep with goddamned galactic Peyton Place weighing heavily on her, and the sleeping asari in the next room weighing even more heavily and temptingly. What if she rushed into Liara's bedroom and proved once and for all that she was the most worthy lover? Awe fuck! That sounded like a cheesy LoveLine movie or the Tales of King Arthur.

Shepard rose at 6am and banged her way through the kitchen cabinets looking for coffee and something to eat. Liara dragged herself out of bed and stared at the marine's back for a moment, shaking her weary head. Shepard looked as out of place in a sleeping teddy as would Garrus… but much sexier… were it not for all the noise!

"Shepard, you are like a varren in a temple. Please get out of the kitchen and I will prepare us something to eat. We have a long day ahead of us, and a good meal is important."

"No argument there, blue doc."

Liara pulled her robe tight (what a shame), and began preparing hot cereal, eggs and fresh fruit. She whisked and chopped, humming quietly to herself. Shepard propped her bare feet up on a chair and perused the day's news.

"It says here that some female Spectre made a spectacle of herself last night. Imagine that. Monkey nuts on a stick!"

"Yes, imagine that. It's a good thing the Spectre has excellent connections in the community."

"I'd say those connections are what got her into this mess."

"You look thinner than ever, Shepard. Have you been eating well?"

"Nice topic change, Your Blueness. I live on a fuckin' ship and I was dead for two years before that. How well do you think I've been eating? But the good news is I got Neil Licks on board! Imagine that. And he's not even scared of me, and he doesn't hate my guts like Ashley Williams."

"Ashley hates you? I cannot believe that. When did you see her?"

"She was on Horizon, investigating the vanishing human magic trick that's the rage of the galaxy, same as us. It was just last week. And yes, she hates me for Cerberus… for dying and for coming back."

"Goddess, I am sorry Shepard."

"Not your fault."

"Well, only partly my fault."

"Hey, stop that."

"But I am glad to hear chef Licks is with you. He will take care of you. Though I hope he is no longer stocking spirits."

"Oh, he's got plenty of spirits, blue girl."

"I must talk to him about that, then."

"Don't you dare."

The asari chuckled and started scrambling eggs. "You know Kate, you look surprisingly cute in my nightshirt. The baby pyjak on the front compliments your eyes."

"Jesus on a pogo stick, are my clothes dry yet?"

"Almost dry. I didn't sleep with Nyxeris." Liara hoped sneak tactics and the ready cover of the center island would protect her. Silence. She glanced briefly over her shoulder. The Commander's mouth was round and wide, like someone had snapped her photo just as she was about to bark an order. More silence. Liara readied the second volley: "that was the first and the last time I shall kiss her. It was a mistake I deeply regret, and I am sorry you had to see it. More than sorry, it was horribly cruel. But I had no idea you were coming back. Goddess, you were dead. Two years! I mourned you for two years." She faltered and leaned over the counter, tears once again falling.

Shepard continued catching flies because she was frozen like holo-Shepard in a picture frame. _Did she just fucking say what I think she said? What the hell? Mussolini in sheer panties, what am I supposed to do now? She doesn't lie, well she didn't used to lie… maybe she's just pitying me or feeling guilty. Pity! Fuck me if it's pity I'm out the balcony window now. But my feet won't move. At least close your fucking mouth, Shepard. Or say something. Anything. She's crying again. I always make her cry. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Do something!_

The doorbell rang, followed by a loud rap on the door. Shepard snapped out of it and sprung onto the balls of her bare feet.

"Expecting anyone, T'Soni?"

"No, Shepard. Almost no one has my address."

"Where's my gun?"

"It is under the green stuffed chair to your left."

Shepard grabbed the Carnifex and looked out the front door's view-hole.

"Oh fuck me!" She dropped the gun to her side and opened the door. Garrus and Jacob walked in. Jacob was speechless, Garrus not so much.

"Shepard, are you working on a sequel to Vaenia? Lingerie and a Carnifex, very sexy."

"Garrus, shut the fuck up and what are you doing here?"

"The question seems to be what have you been doing? We hadn't heard from you in 28 hours, and Miranda was worried. Oh, and hello Liara, good to see you after so long!"

Liara moved into the big man's arms and they hugged. Jacob enjoyed the view. An asari in a creamy robe? Sweet. Shepard in a teddy with a gun? Priceless.

"Tell Aussie-babe I'm just fine and still working on the Delusive Man's assignment. She's a frigging control freak."

"Aussie-babe, what is that Shepard," Liara asked while narrowing her eyes in a not good way. Uh-oh.

"She's the new Normandy's XO, appointed by the Illusive Man. Her attire wouldn't please my old friends the nuns, hence the name. I'll explain later, T'Soni."

Liara grunted and then gave Garrus a questioning look. He shrugged, saying "looks like you've been having a fine reunion."

"As humans say, 'not so much'. But I need Shepard to do some hacking for me, and she could use your help. And this gentleman's as well?" She looked at Jacob with a curious smile.

"I'm Jacob Taylor, ma'am. And you must be Dr. T'Soni. It's a pleasure to meet a hero."

"Jacob, after the Commander puts on proper attire and finishes her breakfast, would you please escort her to our targets? I can send the information to your omni-tool."

"My pleasure, doctor."

"Thank you, and please feel free to look out the window and enjoy that view instead."

* * *

**A/N:** Special thanks to JadeDragonMTR for reminding us all of the importance of good nutrition in her excellent story "Second Life" (go read it and see for yourself!). And thanks for nourishing my heart, Jade!


	7. Chapter 7 - Touch

**Chapter 7 - Touch**

Shepard felt like she was playing the slots at Vegas. Tickle one terminal here, get some intel. Bounce to a terminal there and snatch some more. _And here I thought I might need my old bodacious hacker Tali to make these machines talk, but nah, piece of cake._ Garrus wandered off weapons shopping and Jacob was ogling asari. Nyxeris, that lighthouse of shining brilliance, had lined up five likely Observer candidates. With each machine, Shepard ruled another out. Something was fishy here, if that bitch was supposed to be so bright and talented, how was she so off the mark? With the fifth terminal it became clear that the Observer was a woman, even though Nyxeris had lined up a cast of guys. It also became pretty damned clear that Nyxeris *was* the Observer. Time to visit Liara, pronto.

Shepard burst into Liara's offices and whizzed by Nyxeris with a terse "hey-ho fuckwad, don't bother getting up". As she passed, she ripped the data cable from the assistant's terminal without breaking stride, making the asari jump and stare at her wide-eyed. Nyxeris looked at Garrus who shrugged. She turned to Jacob who said "have a nice day, ma'am" as he followed his boss like dust in the tail of a tornado. Shep closed the door between Nyxeris' reception area and Liara's main office.

"Moon, oh fuckit I mean T'Soni, I've hacked those terminals and I'm transferring data to you now from my omni-tool, check it out. Nyxeris has been playing you."

"What? I cannot believe it."

"Yeah, I know she's a great kisser and gets an A+ on assisting, but her blue ass is dirtier than a mud-wrestling elcor."

"Shepard, about that kiss- I told you it was a mistake…"

"Not now, Li; just peruse the data. And Jacob, please babysit the wife-stealer, would you? If she's half as clever as we think, she's about to boogie."

Jacob returned to the reception area, where he tried some suave conversation to rivet Nyxeris to her chair.

Liara scoured the data files carefully for several minutes and then the color rose high in her cheeks and suffused her neck as she shouted, "By the goddess, all of her information was fabricated. The Observer is a woman, and it is she! That bitch!"

"T'Soni, did you really just use the B-word?"

"Shepard, for the past year she has been supportive, kind and more than capable. She put up with me hurling 87 houseplants to their death and weeping at my desk daily. And it was all a ruse? Yes, I used the word bitch! Please give me more words I can use to describe that, that—"

"Whoa, slow down T'Soni. You were a serial plant murdered? Why? And you cried every day for a year, O Jesus, Moon. I am so sorry."

"You were dead, what could you do, Shepard? Perhaps you will choose not to leave me if there is a next time."

"Um," Shepard looked down at her boots. Garrus looked up at a cobweb in the corner of the ceiling.

"We will discuss that some other time Shepard, but that fuckwit must die! I will kill her myself! She has been betraying me and all the while getting closer to my heart. The other day, I finally gave in; thank Athame it did not go beyond one kiss. She was so kind, so smart and warm." Liara dropped her head onto her clasped hands and simply said "goddess" over and over.

"It's OK, Liara. And let's not go over her many strong points, alright? I'll kill her, I'm the marine here, and you shouldn't have to do it."

"Shepard, it's not fair when you'll enjoy it so much," Garrus snickered and Shepard gave him a crooked grin. "I'll bring her in, Commander."

Garrus and Jacob escorted the unwilling asari into the room by her elbows. She looked back and forth between Liara and Shepard. Not good.

"No Shepard, I want to kill her! She has betrayed me and made a mockery of my feelings."

"T'Soni, I'm the killer here, and I will do it! And she tried to steal the fucking love of my life."

"Kate, you are always the knight in slippery armor, now it is my turn."

"Er, shining, not slippery dear. Though I can be slippery. But anyhow, I insist."

"Oh for fucking Athame's sake, hello I am in the room!" Nyxeris interrupted.

"Shut up Nyxeris," the two arguing women shouted in unison.

"No, I will not shut up. If I am going to die, at least let me speak my piece. Yes, I am the Observer. I took the job because the credits were excellent and my family needed the money. But then I saw how devoted, determined and brilliant you are Liara. I fell for you. Except you couldn't stop thinking of this one," she nearly spit as she nodded her head at Shepard. "'Commander always says this, Commander always did that', goddess give it a rest, it got so old!"

"Perhaps if you weren't such a lying, spying skank, someone could have felt deeply about you, Nyxeris. Just saying," Garrus quipped as he looked down at her with narrowed eyes.

"And fuck you too, Vigilante. Yes, I work for the Shadow Broker, I know all about you." She pulled her arms free of the two men, and then took something very small out of her pocket. Since she was unarmed no one stopped her. She popped it into her mouth and bit down. "Goodbye Liara. We could have been something together. The Shadow Broker will pay my contract to my family in the event I die, as long as no information passes my lips." She started to sway and Jacob caught her. Nyxeris began twitching and foam passed her already paling lips. Jacob lowered her to the floor as convulsions shook her body. She'd poisoned herself. In less than two minutes she was a dead informant.

"Well, that ends the 'who gets to kill her' argument," Jacob said with a shake of his head. "Damn, didn't see that coming."

"Hmm, there's that. Bummer. I wanted a piece of that," Shepard grumbled.

"Indeed," Liara growled.

"OK cowgirls, let's dispose of this little mess so the good doctor doesn't have to deal with snooping gendarmes. Let's get Nyx out for a little fresh air through that ventilation duct, it's plenty wide enough."

Garrus and Jacob worked on stuffing Nyxeris' body through the large duct. Jacob would likely have to worm and shove through the ventilation maze to get the body to the external grate. Garrus looked a wee bit big for the task.

"OK Liara, so what do we do about the Shadow Broker? From the intel we just gathered, I'd like to pick up another operative or two from my short list: the man has one hell of an army."

"Yes Commander, I trust you completely in such matters and you are most certainly right. We must go in armed to the gums, as you say. I can wait a bit longer. Goddess, I've been planning this so for so long, I cannot believe I may soon see Feron again and set him free!"

"Oh right… Feron." _One down and one to go, but I have a feeling Feron won't turn out to be a ferret like Nyxeris. Fuck, crap and bull-dinkie_. Shepard's heart felt like a dried-out turnip in a cold root cellar. The dampness permeated her and the chill made her shiver.

"Shepard, is something wrong? You shivered."

"No, nothing T'Soni."

"Kate, I know you too well and I know that bleak, foul look. What is it?" Liara reached out to touch Shepard's cheek. The Commander turned quickly and marched toward the door. "Dentures and Jacob: I'll see you on the ship in one hour." Shepard moved like a zephyr so no one could spot the hot tears streaming down her face, burning her glowing scars that suddenly throbbed. _Oh fuck me, when will this pain end? Liara lost me to death, but at least she didn't have to see me in the flesh day after day as a constant reminder of what she'd lost. She didn't have to see me in someone else's arms. And why the fuck can't I get a grip? Where is the old me? The pre-Liara me, who didn't feel a thing? I have a galaxy to save, goddamn it!_

…..

Back on the Normandy, Shepard wound herself around a pillow on her loft couch and pulled the OSD with her diary from its hiding place. What a fucking day, I am so glad to be back on board my very own ship! And by tomorrow we'll be on another adventure, sadly and thankfully without Liara T'Soni.

"_Dear Diary,_

_OK, let's start with the easy part: fuck you too. I mean you're ignorant, right? Diaries don't have lovers. Though EDI kinda makes me wonder. I'm assuming you don't know what it feels like to see the one person in the galaxy, no fuck that: universe, that you adore above all others thinking mushy-squeezy thoughts about someone else. No? Got you stumped there? OK, let me tell you about it. Nyxeris? Red herring in blue skin: turns out she wasn't Liara's main squeeze and I got lucky enough to see them sucking face for the first and last time. I always have that kind of luck, don't I, diary? Nyxeris is nixed and all should be good, except there's fucking Feron, the hot-chested drell. How could we forget about him, huh? He's that chivalrous fuck I was worried about all along, and Liara is worse than a half-drunk Red Sox fan thinking about that seventh inning hotdog when it comes to him. Who knows what kind of magic they worked two years ago. I was dead: all's fair in love and death. _

_And she keeps trying to touch me. Great green gods on a stick! Annie Oakley, get a clue! OK, she grew up with a nice mommy (well, way back when before I was even friggin born) in a beautiful house. She just doesn't get it and never will. It's better that way; I wouldn't want her to understand. Hey wait you silicon piece of shit, you probably don't either, so let me explain. After I killed my mom because she tried to kill me and after she did kill dad and Ewan, I couldn't talk for a month. Nothing. The cops dragged me to the Catholic orphanage, and Sister Fatima kept trying to pat me on the back or rub my arm. Nothing hinky there, Diary: she was just being nice and trying to get me to talk. What the fuck did I know about nice? Nice is bullshit with a cream topping! Nice is the assassin's sword that cuts you coming and going. Mom was nice, and the leader of the 10th Street Reds was nice, until they weren't. And fuck if that won't burn your soul in hell. If you don't let them in, they can't cut you on the way out. Over and out diary, I've got to set a course for Purgatory, and ain't that funny as hell?"_

Shepard headed to the CIC to set the course, carefully sidestepping Ms. Lovelorn Kelly and then disappeared into Engineering where the motors are warm and the chatter terse.

…..

Garrus and Jacob escorted Liara to the Normandy's dock. It was her idea, not theirs.

"Spirits, Liara, I can't imagine if Shepard will be thrilled or will throw both Jacob and me out the airlock for this."

"Shepard is in a volatile state right now, and I will not let her out of my sight. Goddess knows if I would see her again and what trouble she might get herself into. I will handle her, Garrus. I need her if I am to take down the Shadow Broker and rescue Feron."

"Suit yourself doctor, but I hope you brought that teddy with you and that you intend on wearing it yourself. And a word between friends: don't mention Feron too often unless you want her to put a biotic hole through the hull."

"Ah… noted Garrus. Thank you. I am so swept up in saving him that I forget what affect it has on Shepard. I will fix this."

The three continued in silence as they walked toward the docking area. They passed a news terminal that spoke of the recent mayhem on Horizon followed by an advertisement for TiT's new distance learning classes now available on the Oh!Pad. Jacob's ears perked up. Liara sighed to herself. _Jacob most certainly looks brighter than he is. Oh well, at least he is devoted to Shepard… and it seems he is fond of me as well._

They came on board and Shepard was nowhere to be found. She wasn't in the CIC and didn't answer Garrus' hail. Liara took a tour of the new Normandy, and made herself comfortable with Dr. Chakwas in the med bay.

"Dr. Chakwas, it is so wonderful to see you! I had no idea you were here!"

"Tinkerbell, I can't believe my eyes! How are you dear, and thank god you are here! Shepard has been literally going mad without you. And I myself am so glad to see you! A sane and kind woman on board, what a gift from the gods as Shepard would say. Shepard in her current state and Miranda in any state are like oil, water and C4 on toast. And Kelly, well she's about to be turned into flambé any moment."

"Returning from the dead has clearly been hard on Kate, and she seems to be jealous of everything except the food ration crates. Though in some cases with good reason… The scars on her face worry me, and who is this Miranda-Aussie-babe?"

Chakwas laughed. "I'm awaiting an upgrade that will allow me to repair Shepard's scars, though she'd rather spend credits on weapons upgrades. 'Aussie-babe' is one of several names Shepard has for our XO, who is best known for her perfect intellect, immaculate and well-displayed cleavage and lack of emotional _je ne sais quoi_. She and Shepard have been at odds from the start, though I think Miranda finds that oddly stimulating."

Liara frowned and looked at her hands. "Oh really?"

"Now, now Tinkerbell, Peter Pan only has eyes for you."

"Honestly?"

"I'm more than certain. Take a doctor's word for it. She thinks of little else and her pining for you has placed her healing at a standstill, which baffles poor Miranda."

"Oh, I see. Thank you, Dr. Chakwas. This is most helpful."

"My pleasure, Tinkerbell. And would you please send Garrus in. He seems to feel his days are numbered because he brought you on board. I'd like to calm him a bit."

"So you two are still an item?" Liara asked with a mischievous smile.

"Oh yes dear, very much so. Ta-ta, Tinkerbell."

Liara made her way to the helm and blinked when she saw Joker in a comfortable leather chair.

"Oh my god, Liara! Long time no see! Shepard is gonna be so stoked, or does she already know? I knew it, here comes Vaenia 2! How have you been, doc?"

"Joker, it is good to see you and I am glad you survived the destruction of the first Normandy."

"Yeah, thanks to Shepard. She was amazing. But hey, I'm really, really sorry Shepard had to die. I tried to get her into the escape pod, I swear, but the blast pulled her away. Anyhow, just like that she's back and alive. Say, you don't know anything about that, do you Liara?"

"I don't know what you could mean, Joker. But I too am glad she's back. More than you will ever know."

"Hey, I can guess, right EDI? But anyway, I'm really glad to see you and I know Shepard must be too. But right now I've got to take us into orbit; Shepard is sending us to the Hourglass Nebula to find a ship called Purgatory. Know anything about it?"

"Not yet, but I will Joker."

"Gotcha. Catch you later, Liara."

The ship entered orbit and was heading to a Mass Relay that would take them the Purgatory prison starship and Jack, their next potential team member. Liara headed to Shepard's loft; EDI had granted her access at Joker's insistence. EDI said the probability of Joker going to the brig was 80%, and was thankful that she lacked corporeal form so she would not be forced to join him. The asari was amazed by Shepard's grand quarters, complete with a huge fish tank, a large bed, couches, and a wrap-around desk with terminals. How nice. Cerberus clearly spared no expense on the Commander's new vessel.

The information broker sat in front of Shepard's private terminal and tapped the screen. It prompted her for a password and Liara tried the one Shepard used on the first Normandy. She was in. Though she simply wanted to log into her own network, she couldn't resist perusing the messages awaiting the Commander. Someone thanked Shepard for saving his sibling-now that sounded like the old Kate. There was a message from Yeoman Kelly Chambers, offering to feed Shepard's fish if the Commander would first assent to having dinner. Liara narrowed her eyes as her lips became a thin, hard line. She resisted deleting the message. She made a mental note to introduce herself to Ms. Chambers sooner rather than later. Then she sighed softly: some things never change; Shepard was still the leading lady of the galaxy. My raving and ravishing Commander, so long as I can keep her alive.

The door to Shepard's chambers slid open and the Commander walked in. Shep was once again frozen open-mouthed like holo-Shepard in a photo frame. _OK Shep, fly-catching is getting old fast! _"Monkey nuts on a stick, Liara. What are you doing in my cabin? What are you doing on the Normandy?" She rubbed her eyes and blinked: the asari was still there, staring right back at her.

"Shepard, your quarters are lovely! And fish, I adore fish!"

"You love fish, that's great, really great. But what are you doing here? Don't you have information to broker? Who brought you on board? It was fucking Dentures or dense Jacob, wasn't it? Or both of them. When I get a hold of them—"

"Shepard do not blame them for my actions. You know Garrus only wants to help and Jacob is a puppy dog. He worships you and even thinks of me as a hero."

"You are a fucking hero, T'Soni. But that's beside the point. Maybe I can shuttle you back before we go through the relay. No, it's too far. Fuck, fuck, fuck. And we don't have a cabin for you, where am I supposed to put you, with the canned oranges? I can't put you with Mordin, he's too geeky even for you and is much too busy. Oh crap." She collapsed on the couch with her head in her hands. Her breathing was tight, a glorious stress reaction ever since she died airless in space.

"Kate, you have an entire loft, I will sleep here with you."

"Liara!"

"You have several couches in addition to your bed, I think you can accommodate me. And your terminals are dusty from lack of use. I can use them to conduct my business."

Shepard crossed her arms and turned away with an expression like an angry cheetah's. They sat for several minutes in silence.

"Shepard, must you sit there and fester like a wound?"

"Don't you need to make get well cards for Feron? There are art supplies in the rec room. Oh wait, this is a frigging ship and we don't have a rec room. Wouldn't you rather be back on Illium T'Soni? We can double back without losing too much time. Hmm, that's an idea. Let me at that terminal, I need to update our flight plan."

Shepard got up off the sofa and tried to squeeze herself between Liara and the terminal. Liara took the opportunity to run her hand along the Commander's thin, muscular back. Shep jumped like a startled alley cat and screamed, "do not touch!" Shep retreated to the sofa and returned her head to her hands.

"Kate, what is this 'do not touch' business? I know you are mad at me, but I have noticed you do not let anyone else within a foot of you."

"I have freakin scars all over my body, why would anyone want to touch that? Except for Dr. Miranda Frankenstein that is. Fucking touch hurts, it hurts like hell T'Soni. I just can't stand it."

"Because of the scars? Do they still bother you?"

"No, not the goddamned scars. Oh crap." She got up and opened the cabinet with the stashed rum.

"Kate, please just talk to me."

"Why are you here, goddamn it?! Why? Why…"

"Because I need you for this mission. No, because I need *you* and I love you, Kate."

"Don't tell fucking Feron that!"

"Feron, do you want to know about Feron?! Let me in you mind, Kate. Let me in now."

"I—I can't bear that Liara. Just please, leave me be. If you want me to save Feron and the fucking world, leave me in peace now."

"Kate, I know it is hard for you. But trust me now and let me in." Liara's tone was firm, verging on anger.

Shepard lacked the energy to stop her. _Fine, let her in now and get it over with. It will only hurt once more. Yeah, right._

"Embrace Eternity."

Then Liara was in her mind, and Shepard realized how little she'd appreciated that expansive comfort until she'd lost it. "Gods, Liara is inside me, my wonderful blue world…"

"Yes, Shepard, I am glad that you still enjoy this. I love it too, but first I have something to show you." Liara no longer had to speak for Shepard to hear her. Then everything went red and black. Shepard could feel Liara's heart beating much too hard; she was terrified and her tightly balled blue fists beat softly against the wall. It was an escape pod wall, and Liara was looking out the window at the burning and collapsing Normandy SR-1. She was saying Shepard's name over and over as she watched for something. It was the final escape pod she was looking for, the one that might carry Shepard back to her. Goddess Athame, please have guided Shepard to a pod! She saw it and Shepard felt joy and peace suffuse the asari. But then Liara saw a lone figure floating from the ship, spaced. At first the figure floated like a carefree rag doll, but then it started spinning and flailing. Oh goddess, please don't let that be Shepard! Please, please.

Then she was on the planet at the landing site, watching each shuttle as it arrived. Again her heart felt like it would break free of her chest, the pounding made its way to her aching head. The last shuttle arrived and it held just Joker. Shepard didn't make it onboard. Before he could finish Liara ran screaming to Athame knows where. Run, run, I must run away from this! It isn't true, oh goddess it isn't true! Ashley intercepted her and held her tightly as she wept. Liara beat her fists feebly against Ashley's back and the marine took it, she had to because she knew Liara was breaking apart. "Shepard, why did you leave me! By the goddess I cannot survive this! How could you leave me all alone?" Her fists slowed and softened as she sobbed against Ashley's shoulder. _Everyone leaves: Shepard knew that pain too well… oh gods! My poor sweet Liara, I never wanted you to feel it. Never._

Then Liara was in her office. Feron had just helped her escape the Shadow Broker's mercs and saved her life. They were in pursuit of Shepard's body. Feron had traded his life for both Liara's and Shepard's. Shepard felt only Liara's crushing guilt, not lust or love for the drell.

Liara let the meld fade and she turned away, sobbing as if it had all just happened. Shepard rose quickly from the couch and hesitated for just a moment before reaching out to run her hand soothingly along the asari's crests. _Time to take the leap, Shepard. This is not about my pain; it's about our love. It's the only thing that can wash away our pain_. She brought the asari's head to her stomach, and held her tightly until Liara's sobs subsided. Shepard didn't try to stop her tears or hide them. One plunked on top of Liara's crest and the asari looked up. "You are crying Shepard."

"Yes, I'm crying. And so are you. We're crying Liara, *we're* crying together. Let it wash us clean, so we can start again."

She caressed the asari's upturned face and kissed her. It was a tender and tentative kiss. The asari's lips were so warm and soft and salty. Liara reached her hand up and brushed the tears from Shepard's cheek, then pulled her down for a deep and hungry kiss that seemed to have no bottom.

"I love you, Liara T'Soni," Shepard thought to herself.

"And I love you Shepard," Liara answered softly in Shepard's mind.


	8. Chapter 8 - Waterfall

**Chapter 8 - Waterfall**

"More and more I postulate  
thick healings, like now

as you bend in the shower  
water lives down the tilting stoups of your breasts."

- Seamus Heaney, from "Summer Home"

* * *

"Um, Commander", Joker pleaded, "please don't kill me, but Miranda insisted I ask you to join her in her office. She says it's urgent and you haven't responded to the message she sent you on your private terminal."

Shepard slowly, grudgingly tore her lips from the asari's and let out a whine that curdled into a growl. "Fuck! Now? Really?"

"Really Commander, you know I'd never interrupt you and Liara when you're working on Vaenia 2."

"Joker, what did I tell you about cameras in my quarters? And tell Aussie babe I'll see her when I see her. Cancel that, tell her I'll see her in a few so she doesn't come busting my door down. And I mean NO MORE CAMERAS!"

"Aye-aye, Commander."

"Shepard, tell me about this Miranda and why do you call her Aussie babe?"

The Commander saw that dangerous look in Liara's eyes and wished she could head to that meeting right now. _I mean, we only just got back to kissing, why mess it up? Chance of getting away cleanly now? Zippo._

"She has an Australian accent and dresses in a very… tight black outfit… really low cut bodice… you know. She had the hots for me. When she examined me, it was kinda like she was… err… feeling me up." _Oh gods, please let the CIC be on fire now, or the engine room._

"No, I do not know."

"You know how some asari dancers dress? They ain't got nothing on Miranda. And the whole black leather thing, that's why I sometimes call her Aussie dom." _Pyjak brains, did you have to add that, Shep?!_

"What is a 'dom'?" Liara's voice was getting lower and her eyes were myopic-granny narrow.

"Really, Julie Andrews? OK, here goes: it's short for dominatrix, and that means those ladies in skin-tight black leather with big tits popping and a whip snapping. That's what she looks like."

"Goddess, Shepard! And she is the XO? What kind of ship is this?!"

"She tells me she had an odd childhood…. Maybe that explains it. I didn't really pay attention since I wasn't in a very understanding mood these past few weeks. Something about not having you anymore had a way of doing that to me."

"That's sweet, Shepard, but I am still concerned about Miranda of many names. When you go speak with her I will to go with you."

"Negatory, beautiful blue. Let me handle the bee in her bodice first, and we can meet her together later. And please don't hurt her. It's not that I like her, but I think we need her. And her affection for me is probably easily explained and short-lived." _Really short-lived with you breathing fire at her now, angry asari._

"Please explain, Kate."

"I think Miranda just adores her creation, like Dr. Frankenstein."

"Creation?"

"Yeah you know, she was the one who put me together from parts like Dr. Frankenstein, the mad scientist who built a man from graveyard goodies. More like a monster, actually." Shepard starting walking like John Wayne crossed with the mummy in her attempt to imitate Frankenstein's monster.

"She did not create you, she merely rebuilt you. And you are not a monster Kate." She gave the commander one of those cute little Liara nods of assured factual correctness and authority. Then her expression changed. "Far too many people find you attractive, " she grumbled.

"Same goes for you slim, blue and too sexy. Guess we'll have to keep them all wanting."

"That is not comforting, Shepard, " Liara said with a small smile. "And what did you do when she 'felt you up'?"

"I tried to strangle her."

"That is good, why didn't you succeed?"

Shepard laughed. "Yum, I like the new Liara: aggressive is sexy as hell. I think I'll have to call you New Moon now." Shepard sashayed up to Liara and kissed her until they both grasped for air.

"Mmm, I am glad to hear that Commander. But don't dawdle too long with the Aussie babe. I'll keep your private terminal warm while you're gone and manage my information networks." The Commander wasn't about to argue with that since she despised her private terminal and it allowed Liara to linger on the Normandy as long as she wished.

Shepard entered Miranda's office with a rare smile on her face. Miranda on the other hand looked a foul as a nor'easter in December.

"What is it Miranda, Joker said it was urgent."

"Yes, well if you actually read your messages like a real Commander instead of a cock-addled GI Joe, you would know."

"What the fuck, Miranda? Dildo run out of batteries?"

"Shepard, you brought a new person on board without informing me. That breaks protocol."

Shepard wasn't about to admit Liara had boarded the ship without her knowledge, especially when it was all working out so deliciously. "The Illusive Man provided me with a list of prospects for our senior ground team. He recently determined Dr. T'Soni's location and provided it so I could aid her and recruit her as I saw fit. There was no mention of reporting to you, and last I heard, the XO is ranked below the Commander, even on this GI Joe pretend ship. If you have a problem here, I suggest you take it up with the friggin' Delusive Man himself."

"Shepard, the last thing you need is that distracting, needy asari on board."

"Say one more word and I will cut off your head and stuff it in between you genetically engineered breasts. Do not EVER say a derogatory word in reference to Dr. T'Soni again, XO! The woman likely has even more degrees than you and more brain cells, and to top it off, she has a heart, Tin Man." Shepard's fists rose and a biotic haze blurred her figure.

Yes, Shepard was often violent and volatile, but this cut Miranda to the bone… and clearly she'd touched something very off limits. "Shepard… your feelings are obviously quite strong."

"Aussie babe, I love her and I literally live for her. Whatever it is you people really want from me, it isn't going to happen without her. So back the frack off now and forever, or I will nail your head to the wall. Why the fuck do I have to fight for just one little corner of happiness. Gods!" Shepard sank into a chair. It was all just too goddamned hard.

"Shepard, I won't claim that I understand, but I will support you on this. I see how much it means to you. And I'm sure Dr. T'Soni's scientific and biotic skills will contribute to our missions." Miranda realized just how much she still had to learn… things her father and textbooks had never taught her. Though for a woman with supposedly little heart, she wondered how Shepard always managed to start one kind of fire or another in there.

Shepard returned to the loft, but didn't see the asari anywhere. Her heart skipped a beat as she panicked. What if Liara had changed her mind? What if the asari had decided the kiss was a mistake? Did Moon somehow know she'd once kissed Miranda? As she walked further into the loft, she found her missing asari… naked on the bed, with just a hint of sheet covering one calf and a foot. Shepard grinned until her ears turned pink and her green eyes danced. _There is nothing more beautiful in this world: the curve of that blue hip canted up at me begging for a bite, her pebbled skin's inviting texture and those perfect blue nipples. Oh Zeus, Hera and Athame, thank you!_

"Hello Commander, care to join me? I believe we have unfinished business."

Shepard raced through the cabin, stripping clothing as she moved. Her shirt flew against the fish tank, the undershirt landed on a terminal. If her hair weren't so heartily attached to her head and the asari so fond of it, she would've madly yanked at it too. She was just a few feet from the bed now and was about to pull her pants down when she realized she'd exposed a map of scars. This was no longer the body Liara had fallen in love with. It was a discourse of hardship. She froze.

"What is it, love?"

"I… um… the scars, I'm sorry Liara, I know it's not pretty. In fact, I look pretty damned scary."

"Dr. Chakwas informs me that they will heal with your newly improved mood and that if you spare the credits for the med bay upgrade, she can make them go away completely."

"Yeah, I guess I have a reason to do that now, huh? And I understand if you want to wait until I'm fixed up."

"Shepard! I most certainly do not want to wait and I cannot wait. You are as beautiful as ever, and your scars are a part of you so I love them too. They are actually quite entrancing, and they will make it easier to find you in the dark."

"Funny lady." She feigned a pouty look, then her eyes lit up, "OK then, frontal assault! Deploy now!"

Shepard yanked and tugged at her pants and hopped on one leg to the bed as she struggled with the clingy garment. Then she leapt into bed and straddled the asari; the feeling of Liara's bare warm skin against hers was intoxicating. At this moment, Liara's breath was even more magical than her breasts. It meant she was _that_ close; they shared the same air. She touched her forehead to the asari's and looked into her eyes. "I love you so much, New Moon."

"And I love you, my crazy Commander. Now take me before I explode."

Shepard kissed her thoroughly until she wondered how someone could feel dizzy when already horizontal. Liara moaned into her mouth as Shepard moved her leg just the right way between her own. She could feel Shepard's heat against her hip as they ground against each other. _Oh goddess, to be whole again. And so wet;_ her cheeks flushed when she realized she was slicking the Commander's thigh. Shepard's hand made its way to the sensitive folds at the back of her neck, and then her lips were there, and a delightful electric current shot from her neck to her sex. Liara's eyes turned black as she shuddered and their minds joined. Shepard whimpered and bit the asari's jaw lightly in response. The Commander kissed her way down that perfect swan's neck, across her breastbone and down to the asari's round, full breasts. As she sucked on a stiff blue nipple, she felt Liara's fingers dance across her own breast. Or was that her biotics… or a resonance of the meld? _Gods, I can't think and I don't care to. Just let me live in this moment…forever._

When the Commander's fingers and mind entered her, the constant white noise of Shepard's mind mattered little, what Liara felt was a waterfall in spring: engulfing and refreshing: a place where everything grows and prospers. Goddess! She never though she'd feel this love again, or be wrapped in strong arms that would protect her from the galaxy's demons and her own. Then she heard Kate laughing joyously. "I'm a waterfall, T'Soni, look at me, feel me inside you now and forever. But just in case, there's always tomorrow, right Liara?" Their laughter mingled and Liara brushed the back of her fingers along Shepard's jaw, then opened her palm to caress her cheek as she captured the Commander's rose lips in a tender kiss. Then Shepard thought of the countless souls who were depending on her for their endless list of tomorrows. "They can wait until tomorrow, love, when we both will be even stronger," Liara whispered. Shepard's tongue broke into Liara's mouth possessively and the asari's breath quickened and she felt her womb's muscles pulse around Shepard's fingers. Then the Commander brought her head down to burry her lips in the asari's neck as she worked her hand in Liara's warmth and wetness until the doctor quaked and came, taking Shepard with her.

Shepard awoke at 0500 as per regulation and habit, only to find the asari's finger in her mouth, just the tip. _Your love is better than breakfast_, Shepard thought as she licked and kissed that very blue finger. Liara did that cat stretch and purr that Shepard remembered and adored, and she dreamily moved her hand to Shepard's breast. _Oh, T'Soni, we just might miss breakfast and lunch if you keep doing that._

"Yesterday was the best day of my life, New Moon." Shepard whispered to her sleeping mate.

"Mmm… today might be even better, Love."

"Playing possum, huh? You're awake! Open season on the asari!" Shepard dove under the covers and kissed and licked the area around Liara's navel. Then she worked her way slowly down while the asari giggled madly.

Liara stretched her arms down and ran her hands through the Commander's luxuriously thick auburn hair. She would never tire of the soft and exotic feel of Shepard's mane. But she curled her fingers more firmly around Shepard's head and pulled her up gently.

"Kate, we will arrive at Purgatory in two hours, and we must shower and eat before then. If I must allow you to go to war, it will not be with an empty stomach and smelling like a Krogan in heat."

"I could get us breakfast and feed you in bed," Shepard said with a wicked smile.

"Oh no, I want to meet more of your crew and say hello to Neil Licks. I miss your favorite chef."

"You just want to lecture him about my rum rations, T'Soni."

"Hmm… that too, now that you mention it. But why don't we shower first?"

"Any opportunity to get wet with my asari."

Liara boxed Shepard's ear and ran like a mischievous wood nymph to the shower. The Commander followed in a blur of scars, freckles and creamy flesh.

…..

"Liara! The sight of you makes me happier than a fresh crate of asparagus and a beef flank. And I can image you've been delighting the Commander even more that my chocolate milkshakes."

Shepard blushed and coughed, Liara beamed.

"It's so good to see you chef, and I'm glad you've been keeping our fearless leader well fed. How did you find your way to the new Normandy?"

"I heard that Shepard might be alive, and if there's anyone that needs my help to save the galaxy, it's her. And I have a few relatives living on the colonies that the Collectors have been attacking. Cerberus told me that the Commander and SR-2 would be hot on their tails, unlike the Alliance."

"My information networks tell me that Shepard did quite a job ridding Horizon of the Collectors."

"Yes she did! And my brother Dick was there with his two daughters. We have Shepard to thank that they're still alive. They've moved on to another colony since Horizon's operations have understandably slowed."

"Sorry chef, but gotta ask: your brother is Dick Licks?"

"Yes, Commander, that's right. And I'm sure you'll have more to say about that the next time you visit late at night for a few glasses of Captain Scabberous. Just be advised that you'll have to get me drunk before I share the names of my nieces."

Liara saw the time was ripe for a topic change. "About that, Neil… a Commander is only as strong as her liver, so would you mind—"

"OK, that's enough chit-chat, cowgirls. Time to get a move on. Thanks for the chow, chef. Gotta run!" Shepard grabbed Liara's hand and dragged her from the stool. The asari looked back at Neil Licks with an arched eyebrow marking and he gave her a wink and a nod. They headed to the armory to suit up, then made their way to the shuttle bay where Miranda waited.

"So ladies, this is your first mission together. Jack the convict is supposed to be one hella biotic and a little psychotic, so I figured you two would be the likely answering force if he gets a little whacko-qwacko. Your combined biotics and curves should stop him dead in his tracks. Dr. T'Soni, meet Miranda Lawson, our XO. Miranda, meet Dr. T'Soni, brilliant scientist, Prothean expert and biotic wonder."

The two just stared at each other. Ripe tomatoes in a bin would be more engaging of each other than these two. Great. Then Liara's eyes lit with recognition.

"I believe we met when I dropped off Shepard's body at the Lazarus station, but you were in a lab coat at the time."

"Yes, that's right, we did meet very briefly. Thank you for delivering Shepard to me."

"To Cerberus. I delivered her to Cerberus," Liara scowled.

"Right, yes. Well, shall we get on the shuttle and commence the mission?"

Liara looked Miranda up and down, noting her signature attire. "But Ms. Lawson wouldn't you like to finish getting dressed before we leave?"

"I didn't think that your kind had much experience or interest in covering up their bodies, Dr. T'Soni."

"Ah, then everything I've heard about Cerberus is true then? Xenophobic, small-minded and aggressive humans."

Shepard's eyes had been bouncing between the two as if she'd been watching a particularly vicious Chinese Ping-Pong match. Before the Red Armies marched she stepped between them and barked: "the mission starts now, cowgirls. If anyone can't remember whose side they're on, now is the time to bow out. Our lives depend on each other. Got it?" They both looked at Shepard and nodded, carefully avoiding each other's gaze.

They arrived on Purgatory and met with the warden, who seemed as up-and-up as the head honcho of a privatized prison could seem. He was happy to take Cerberus' big pile of credits in exchange for a nuisance prisoner. The warden explained that Jack was in cryo, being too dangerous to store thawed. As they walked down the long rows of cells, prisoners cried out. Worrisome, but after all, it is a prison and happiness and fair treatment are generally in short supply. The warden asked them to wait in a holding room while they fetched Jack. But why would this go as planned? Nothing ever does. Prison guards attacked them and the warden told them Shepard would fetch a great price, nothing personal. "Yeah right? Why is it always about me?" Shepard grumbled as she let her biotics and Carnifex do the talking instead. They fought their way out of the room and went Jack-hunting. Both Miranda and Liara performed with masterful perfection and did manage to cover each other's extra-fine asses. The trio followed the sounds of commotion and saw a waifish, punkish gal making biotic burger time with a horde of attacking Purgatory personnel. Once finished, she disappeared. Shepard finally saw the uber-skinny, semi-green with tattoos young woman peer out from behind some large pipes. Talking to the angry native seemed like a bright idea. "Yo, homegirl, wanna come out and chat?"

"Hey, who the fuck are you?" asked skinhead with tats.

"I'm Shepard, and this is Dr. T'Soni in mostly blue and Miranda in mostly nothing. Though I have to say you make her look like a nun. So who are you?"

"Jack."

"Jack!? Jack?" the three said round robin style.

"Yeah, I'm Jack and what the fuck is going on here? Last thing I knew I was taking the big sleep, now I'm fighting prison guards and who the hell knows what else and you chics seem to be helping. What's up with that anyhow? I'm don't generally attract reinforcements. Especially not hot looking ones."

"We came to bust you out of this joint, and what a fucking skanky-ass joint it is," Shepard said.

"Ain't going to argue with you. Hey what's with your face and eyes, Shepard? Social disease set your mug on fire?"

"Long story, cue ball, but first let's talk business. We came here to bust you out. Word is you're one hella biotic and you don't take "no" for an answer. We need that kind of firepower. And you need a ride off this sinking ship."

"Yeah… talk more Shepard."

"I hear you like to bust shit up and we need to take down these assholes called the Collectors. They're agents for the Reapers who have a nasty itch to destroy every last iota of organic life in the galaxy. Me, you and your pet rat too, baldy."

Liara interrupted, "Are you cold Jack? Do you want me to get you a blanket? You are wearing almost nothing."

Jack snorted, "Being cold is the last of my problems and I'm used to traveling light, but thanks mama."

Jack raised an eyebrow at Shepard, and the Commander just smiled knowingly. _C'mon, nutty biotic convict, follow mama Asari home. Be a good girl now._

"So why don't I just stay here, Shepard?"

"You probably know the drill: reinforcements are coming, the natives are out of their cages and restless. Your chances of going free with a brand new Amex card? Nil."

"Point taken. And who do you work for?"

"I'm a Spectre and was Alliance, but for now I'm hauling with Cerberus."

"Spectre, huh? Big shit you must be. I've read about you. But Cerberus, they are the fucks I live to kill. Nobody told you that I'm their favorite pet? The one they experimented on and tortured for years?"

Miranda butted in: "Jack, that was a horrible, horrible mistake. The Cerberus station you were on went rogue, and we never approved of what happened there. We want to make it up to you. It sounds hollow, I know, but it's true."

"Sure, Cerberus cheerleader. Keep waving your two big pom-poms and singing that song."

Miranda narrowed her eyes at Jack. Liara looked at Shepard. The Commander sighed. Great, now we'll have an even crazier ship with more psycho women who want to strangle each other with their bras.

"Jack, I promise you if you come on board and consider giving us a hand, we'll find those Cerberus files and get the 411 on who put the hurt on you, OK?"

Jack knew she really had no choice, and Shepard was a fucking cool homie. A Spectre from the projects? Who could pass up that story? And if she could get that info on Cerberus and what happened to her on Pragia…

"It's a deal, Spectre."


	9. Chapter 9 - Stay

**Chapter 9 – Stay**

"Someone's life has come into my hands.

The sun whitens the buildings.

It is all I have. I give it all to you. Yours,"

- Mark Strand, "Letter"

* * *

The team returned from Purgatory with Jack in tow. They seemed eager to discuss their new "hire", so Shepard sat everyone down for a pow-wow while Jack made herself comfortable elsewhere.

"Shepard, she is what I'd imagine your even less socialized little sister to be like," Miranda complained. "And worse yet, her biotics could put a 50 foot deep hole in Earth's crust."

"Shepard is socialized Miranda, and only a person with few social skills would imply otherwise. Especially while Shepard is in the room," Liara growled.

"Speaking of 'in the room', I'm right here Moon… and Miranda. And much as everything seems to be about me lately, this is not. Let's keep the topic on Jack."

"I don't find her any more offensive than Wrex," Garrus quipped. "And we got along with him just fine. Jack certainly smells better than Wrex and she probably won't drool when she sees small animals. Her biotics are our asset as long as we can keep her leveled. I'm sure between Liara's charms and my big brother aura, we can keep her running smoothly."

"I'm with you, Dentures. And Miranda, I think you're jealous because she makes you look overdressed." Shepard couldn't resist, even if it did give Liara more ammunition.

"I think she's hot, and I bet Jack is one hell of a she-devil with the leather," Jacob offered. That brought a temporary silence to the room.

"Fine, she's here for now, and we'll see how she performs. I've expressed my concerns about giving her access to Cerberus records, Shepard, but if it gains her trust then so be it." _Wow, Miranda giving up a little control… holy horny hanars on a stick._ Shepard almost allowed herself a smile.

The group disbanded and only Shepard and Liara remained. Liara said she was exhausted from the mission but had Broker business to attend to, so she was heading to the loft for a hot shower before hitting the loft's terminals. Shepard wanted to play welcoming committee for Jack and said she'd return to the loft once done with their newest team member. They touched foreheads and Shepard's hand lounged across the asari's warm cheek. "I love you, T'Soni. Every last freckle." Liara kissed her softly and said, "I love you too, Shepard. Good luck." Shepard wondered why there was always some bit of work that needed tending to. If Liara were honest with herself, she would have wondered why she couldn't have fallen in love with a painter.

Jack insisted that she didn't need quarters of her own since she preferred sleeping in the shadows. Shep knew that drill and figured that the comfort of a warm engine manifold would be just the place for their skinny young biotic madwoman. Sure enough, she was camped close to a cozy engine exhaust pipe on the lowest deck.

"Yo, yo, yo! Cracker-Jack, you in here?"

"Yeah, Buzz Lightyear, what you want?"

"Just checking in with the new hire to find out how you're acclimating, seeing how we're giving you first class digs here."

"I'm more comfortable tucked behind some ductwork and crates than a bed, you know… feels like home."

"I hear ya homie, been there and done that. But when you hit the ripe old age of 30 like me, a mattress is more comforting than a loaded Carnifex."

"I'll keep that in mind, old lady. Hey, will my face look cool like yours too if I reach your ripe old age?"

"Probably not so much, cue ball. And I think your skin decorations would send M. C. Escher back to the drawing board, so you ain't got nothing on me. Dr. Frankenstein, aka Miranda who you love so much, put me together from meat and tubes. Dead meat, you read me? She missed the class on plastic surgery, so here I am all angry and red but alive again."

"Whoa, didn't know the bimbo had such mad skillz."

"There's a lot you don't know, Kimosabe."

"I know not to trust a Cerberus bitch, but really talking isn't my thing, Shepard. Feel free to split."

"Indulge me a little, OK? I wouldn't say I trust her or Cerberus either, but she's still a blank slate to me. She's horny but she's only done good by me. Cerberus? I wouldn't vouch for them anymore than claim yesterday's panties are sweet as roses, but then I'm Alliance and we don't dig those reactionary splinter groups."

"Yeah, I hear you. Hey, since you're no longer with the lily-whites, why don't you put this ship to better use? You could be a bitchin' pirate with this rig and pull in huge credits."

"Not my cup of tea, Cracker-Jack. I get hot and bothered helping folks, not robbing whomever. Robbing got old, helping the helpless didn't. I think you feel me."

"I read you were raised by nuns. It shows, Shepard."

"Hey, fuck you too and the tattoos you're hiding behind."

"No need to get touchy, Spectre."

Shepard laughed and Jack smiled. The young convict relaxed and leaned back against a crate. "So, where are your parents, I mean you're biotic like me but not test tube, right?"

"My family is dead Cracker-Jack," Shepard said as she stared vaguely at a crate.

"Sorry to hear that Spectre, assuming you liked them. But it looks like the asari mama is your family now. You seem pretty pussy-whipped."

"Spoken like someone who hasn't gotten some for a long time."

"Point taken, Spectre."

"OK, catch you later then, Jack. I've got to go and get my nightly pussy whipping."

"Later, Scarface. Bon appetit."

Shepard returned to the loft and found Liara fast asleep on the couch with a data pad still in her hands. She wore just a robe and had never bothered getting dressed after showering. Sometimes the Commander wondered if Liara would ever leave the room and stop working, were it not for the distractions provided by the Normandy and war. Shep carefully extracted the pad and crept to the cabinet for a blanket. She covered her asari, wishing she could plant just the smallest kiss on her crest, but she dare not disturb her over-tired lover. The Commander stripped and got into bed.

At 03:10 she heard Liara screaming and raced to see what was wrong. Liara was in tears and shaking, and she clutched the blanket like it was her only friend. It was the same nightmare she's had again and again for the past two years.

"Your body, tiny and far away floating in space, Shepard. Oh goddess, I lose you over and over again each night. I cannot take it. Please stay with me?"

Shepard rocked Liara gently, "I'll hold you until you fall asleep, don't worry Liara."

Liara looks into Shepard's green eyes and said "I mean stay with me."

Shepard's lip quivered and she felt her eyes tear. "Always, Liara. Always." Shepard held Liara tightly for a few more minutes and then took her hand and led her to bed. Shepard slid the asari's robe from her shoulders, and lowered her onto the still-warm sheets. She pulled the covers over them and kissed away Liara's tears; a trail from jaw to cheek to the corner of an eye and then the asari's mouth.

"Kate, why did you leave me?"

Shepard felt a steeping ache, not unlike what she felt after Torfan. How talented she was at making others suffer, even those she loved.

"I didn't want to, Liara. As I died I reached out for you, I wanted to be with you more than anything else."

"Then why did you choose to stay on a destroyed ship and die when you could have come with me? Is whatever ship you command and every last person on board more important than either you or me?"

"No…"

"And how did you propose to save the billions of lives that comprise the galaxy if you were dead?" Liara's voice was rising and anger bit into her words.

Shepard had no answer, she just shook her head.

"Kate, answer me. We must talk about this or there will never be an "us". We will simply devolve to two people talking at each other in a room."

"Look, Liara… most of my life I had a death wish. Fuck, I had ten of them. Living wasn't my top priority, but getting things done—winning the battle, helping folks who couldn't defend themselves…that was my priority. I flew solo, ya know? Everything I did, I did myself. This whole soccer team approach is new to me, but I get it now. The Reaper war is too big for just me. I need to let you, Garrus and the rest help. Fuck, more than help; every one of you is indispensable."

"And do you think you flew solo when Sister Fatima helped you through the terrible times after your family died? Do you think David Anderson was merely a prop in your life?"

"Hmmm… "

"For a smart woman who gives sound advice to others, you are dense as a Tuchankan rock, Shepard."

"Yeah, I hear that a lot. But that's not why. It's… it's scary, ya know?" Shepard's voice changed. It became small and childlike.

"What is scary, Kate?"

"Letting people in. Why let them in when they never stay?"

"And death is not leaving?!" Liara barked. "Shepard, how do you think I felt when you left me forever, irrevocably? I took a chance on you. But you, fierce Commander, are too afraid to take a chance on me? By the goddess, you are mystifying and frustrating."

"I get that now, New Moon. Really I do. But it's like baby steps, so give me time. I wish I could be you and do the right thing the first time, so fucking much I wish that. You want to know the truth? I took so many chances, fought so many battles and lived when everyone around me died that I stopped believing I could die. I thought it was God's punishment: to keep surviving while everyone around me died. And fuck, I did die and now I'm alive again! It's friggin' twisted, huh? But this time I'm glad I'm back and I will be careful. But remember, I'm a soldier at war: I wish I could promise you marriage, old age and a lot of little blue children, but I don't know what this war will bring. I hate myself for that."

"I hate this war for that, Shepard, but you cannot hate yourself. It is not your fault. But if you are careless, then it is your fault and I will personally hunt you down and kill you again." Liara pushed Shepard's shoulder playfully and shook her head.

"You're the most powerful biotic around, I sure as hell won't mess with you, T'Soni." Shepard kissed Liara softly and drew her back down on the mattress. Liara brushed her fingers along Shepard's ear, knowing that would make the Commander moan. Predictable cause and effect could be so stimulating. The asari began kissing Shepard's neck, starting just below that ear and working her way down to the dusky hollow of Kate's throat.

"Gods, let's not go through this ever again, Liara."

"Don't die again and we won't."

"Point taken, T'Soni," Shepard said with a sad smile.

…..

The Illusive Man wanted a status report, and oddly Miranda was nowhere to be found according to EDI (_how the fuck could EDI lose track of someone?_). So Shepard took over the task and kept it brief. Second hand smoke wasn't her idea of a feel good time and she had their next mission to plan... something about a baby Krogan factory, hard as that was to imagine. As she exited the comm room, Jack pounced on her.

"Shepard, you better come quick, mama asari has turned into one hell of a mother fucker. Man, now I get it: she's a she-devil, isn't she?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Crackerjack?"

"Your asari has Miranda pinned against the ceiling of the mess hall. Can't say I blame her, though I have no idea why she's doing it. She's lit up brighter blue than an Asian LED expo."

"Holy Krogan buns on a stick!" Shepard ran to the mess hall with Jack in hot pursuit. And what did she see? Miranda was indeed plastered to the ceiling, facing down at one angry Liara. The love of her life had Miranda in a biotic hold and the Aussie dom looked less than tickled. Her face was alarmingly red and her boobs were millimeters from rolling out of her less than adequate bodice.

"Liara! Put Miranda down! What the hell is going on?"

Liara maintained eye contact with the Australian and her eyes were narrowed to harsh slits. Her raised hands held the field strong around Miranda, and she looked like a vengeful god. "Shepard, Miranda had been telling me how close she has been to you. How she stitched and mended every last bit and has seen you naked countless times."

"Liara, she's the scientist who brought me back to life, you know that. Of course she's seen it all."

Neil Licks stood behind the counter with his head bouncing between Shepard, Liara and Miranda as if it were a three-way tennis match.

"She also told me that you two shared a kiss. Long after you were 'assembled' as you say."

"Liara, put her down—and slowly please, we'll talk about this in private."

"She is the one who chose to bring it up here over what was previously a lovely cup of tea. I would just like to finish that conversation. After all, you made it clear I was taken several years ago, now it is my turn to assert that you too are taken." She glared at Miranda.

"Dr. T'Soni, for god's sake, put me down! You're behaving like a Krogan."

"And there, you see Shepard, she is still spouting racist dogma."

"You tell her, asari mama," Jack egged her on.

"Jack, don't you want to go away now and play amongst the engine manifolds? You are not needed here." Shepard wasn't pleased.

"Oh, I'm needed here more than you realize, Scarface, and this is just getting good. I had no idea you were such a hot commodity."

"Now, Jack!"

Jack left quietly with a snicker, but soon returned with Garrus and Yeoman Chambers.

"That is not leaving, Jack. Fucking monkey nuts on a stick! New Moon, c'mon let's not make a scene here."

"I am sure you were not worried about the scene you created when you kissed this concubine."

Garrus put a hand over his clicking mandibles to hide his laughter. Kelly Chambers turned ash white and her eyes were bigger than cannon shells.

"New Moon, it's a long story. No it's not really a long story because nothing happened. I was all fucked up because I thought you were gone. And Aussie babe here kept feeling me up. I was angry."

"A funny way to express anger, Shepard."

"Yeah, well… it just came out that way. I wanted you, not her and I wanted her out of my face. And I was feeling… never mind we can talk about that later. Anyhow I slammed her against the wall (_it's not my fault if she liked it_) and trashed her terminals. Then I left. That was it."

"Can someone please make her put me down NOW? Before I counter with a biotic throw that puts Dr. T'Soni through the meat freezer!"

Liara's outstretched hands didn't waiver as she turned and surveyed Kelly just behind Shepard. Kelly squeaked and hurried out of the mess hall. _Oh well, I guess feeding her fish is as good as it will ever get. Too bad I didn't get to dance for her...but it's not worth risking my life!_

Garrus had fetched Dr. Chakwas, and they stood shoulder to shoulder watching the show. Karin interjected, "Tinkerbell, you've had your fun, now please put down our XO before she has an aneurism. Her vascular system can take only so much levitation and levity. I'm sure you and Shepard can work this out privately."

Liara finally realized she was putting on quite the show for the crew. And she had made her point to Miranda. That silly human thought her biotics were a match for one of the most gifted asari biotics in the galaxy? Ha! She'd simply meant to ensure that Miranda never took advantage of her medical duties again with Shepard. Perhaps it was time to let her down. Liara abruptly brought her hands down to her sides and Miranda fell to the floor with a splat and a grunt.

"Liara, in my quarters now," Shepard said tersely.

"Shepard, in our quarters now, or your private parts will freeze for two asari lifetimes," Jack quipped.

Both Liara and Shepard gave Jack the evil eye. She could see she was in dangerous territory and left the mess hall quickly. Karin took Garrus' hand as they led Miranda out. Only Shepard, Liara and chef Licks were left in the mess hall. The sudden silence echoed with embarrassment in the Commander's ears.

"Drink, Commander? Liara?" Chef Licks had set out three glasses of Captain Scabberous rum. Shepard jogged up and downed hers. Liara hesitated but drank the fiery liquor too. The three sat in silence for a few minutes and Licks poured a second round, which they downed silently. Liara's biotics finally quenched and she looked almost harmless. Almost.


	10. Chapter 10 - The Krogan Knitting Club

**Chapter 10 – The Krogan Knitting Club**

Shepard would rather have an appointment with a cross-eyed batarian dentist than rendezvous in the loft for that special talk with Liara. This wasn't going to be pretty. Liara had pinned Miranda to the mess room ceiling with her biotics, and who knows what might happen next time? She had faith in her New Moon to always do the right thing, but that famous asari chill wasn't all it was cracked up. She entered the loft running… at the mouth.

"Liara, I don't have to lecture you about this, because you already know. Our team needs to be a team. No manhandling. You want to get pissed off; that's your right, but no more getting physical." Shepard waited for another burst of blue energy, but none came. It was actually hard to believe she was having this talk with Liara of all people. She continued, "I had intended to tell you about the Miranda kiss, but that asswench beat me to it. She has less than zero common sense, as I suppose she's now learned. Though she seems to enjoy things a little rough and tumble. Gods know I pushed her around enough and it just seemed to get her hotter." Shep sighed and shook her head, daring a glance at Liara who showed only her crossed arms and back to the Commander.

"I do not think she will ever find me hot, Shepard, no matter how hard I push her around. But I do believe she is now aware that it is in her best interest to stop pursuing you. By the goddess, she had best for her own good!"

"Liara—"

The asari spun around to face Shepard, and there was fire in her usually placid blue eyes. "Do not Liara me, Shepard. And do not fool yourself into thinking you're the human male in this relationship, or that only males can act territorially. Our race has only one gender and we can be equally possessive."

"I probably shouldn't admit this, but aggressive Liara is still getting me hot, way too hot. This is a side of you I've never seen, my once and former shy archaeologist. What have we unearthed?"

"If I have learned anything in the past 2 years and 2 months, it's that one must hold onto and fight for what one holds most dear: that which they can't live without. And that is you Shepard. If you wish to leave me one day, that is your prerogative. But I will not put up with these concubines needling me and poking and prodding at you. It is tawdry and it interferes with my concentration. And my concentration is better spent trying to understand the Protheans and managing my information networks."

"Translation: you're jealous." Shepard prepared to duck behind the sofa.

"Asari do not indulge in such emotions, Shepard."

"Well then, maybe daddy was half human or half krogan."

"It does not work that way, Shepard."

"You mean to say if we had little blue children, they wouldn't run around shouting 'monkey nuts on a stick' or doing things far too rude for any self-respecting asari?"

Liara couldn't stop herself from smiling at the thought. "Yes, they might exhibit some of your traits."

Shepard crossed her arms and nodded smugly and Liara gave her shoulder a forceful yet playful shove, pressing the Commander against the armor closet. "But first we'll have to conquer the Reapers and repel your constant entourage of horny women, Kate." Liara leaned close and Shepard could feel the asari's hot breath on her lips. Maddening! Shepard craned her neck to kiss the asari, but Liara tipped her head back just a little, while keeping Shepard pinned against the closet. Shepard growled and pressed her body against Liara's, feeling the smooth curve of her belly and the swell of her breasts. Liara shifted her right leg and moved her upper thigh into the Commander's hot center. Now Shepard had that dangerous and crazed look, as her teeth gnashed at the air. Shep used her biotics to lift the asari and place her on the bed. Liara simply said "oh, Commander" as Shepard landed on top of her for a full body press that lasted for a blissful hour.

…..

Another day, another mission. Though Liara and Miranda had worked well together on Purgatory, recent developments hinted that the two might be more dangerous to each other than the enemy. For their jaunt on Korlus in search of the mysterious Warload Okeer, Shepard decided to take Liara and Jack. It was time to see how tank girl performed as a team player. And Liara plus Jack? They could turn the planet blue with biotics. Bonus: it seemed that Jack liked "mama asari' pretty darned well, so why not imprint the bald-headed chick a little more and seal the bond?

Blue Suns greeted them, and that was the easy part. Heck, one Blue Sun even turned sides and helped Shep's team after she sweet-talked him. And the Suns' team leader was ranting over the comm, absolutely losing it because her boys couldn't take down three little ladies. _Little ladies my pink ass!_ But was it a piece of cake? Never. Things got dicey when they met berserk krogans with serious armor and shiny new shotguns. They almost shot a solo krogan seemingly just hanging out along the blocked path to the main facility. He was tank grown (oh no, more of that gruesomeness), and had an inferiority complex. He called the growth tank his mother and Okeer his father. The poor big dude was only a week old and already he'd been made to believe he was imperfect. It broke Shepard's heart to see a kid, even an 8 foot tall, 400 pound kid, made to feel like dogshit. She wanted to shoot whoever did this. Now! Chances were good she'd have the chance. The baby krogan lifted the heavy debris that blocked their path and stayed behind like a trained dog (poor, sad fella) while they headed to the "tank mother".

Once inside the facility, the team got to meet Commander Jedore of the Blue Suns in the flesh, and boy was she a piece of work. Cross Napoleon with Sarah Palin and throw in a good case of verbal diarrhea and that was Jedore. She was paying Okeer because she'd hoped to use his tank grown krogans in her army. The krogans were a tad explosive and Okeer claimed she was more than a little incompetent at training them. The honeymoon was clearly over. Shepard gave up all hope of recruiting Okeer, who started out trying to breed genophage resistant krograns but ended up obsessed with building the perfect krogan instead. He was mad and Jedore had just released poison gas into the joint; the Warlord would soon be history. Shep shot miss bitchy and honored Okeer's dying wish to escort his one perfect krogan out of there. The team left pronto with a pod the size of a piano case that held the supposedly perfect tank grown specimen.

Back on board, no one wanted anything to do with the piano case. Kelly just said "Oh God" and Miranda slapped her forehead. Only Liara trusted the Commander to do the right thing. Go team blue. Shepard stood in front of the case and debated for 30 seconds before pulling her Carnifex and opening the case. The krogran towered over her, as krogans tend to do, and then stated he'd love to kill her. No surprise there. She suggested that if he joined her party, they could do some awesome damage to these dudes called the Collectors. She told him she had quite the rep for blowing folks up and that her ship and crew were full of big guns and other…big parts. He thought about it, and said he'd need a name before he killed her or joined her.

"Grunt!" he shouted. "That's one of the last things Okeer said, and it is a short and fitting name."

"Really, big fella? T'Soni is so going to accuse Miranda of coming up with a racist name for you."

"Who is T'Soni and who is Miranda?"

"Warriors in my crew. T'Soni is the blue one and you don't want to mess with her. World-class biotics, big boy. And Miranda? World class ti—OK, never mind, you're not old enough for that."

"You are an experienced warrior Shepard, even if you are a weak and fleshy species. I will join you for now. And you've been holding a gun all along, I like that."

And so Grunt joined the team, and Shepard headed to the loft to get some sleep. EDI woke her and Liara up at 0430 with news that the krogan was agitated. Liara groaned, Shepard spit. At 0500 Miranda came over the comm to tell them that they'd found a way to calm the krogan. Shep worried that this had involved tranquilizer darts or worse, so she got dressed and went looking for them. Jack crossed her path and the Commander inquired about Grunt. Jack said he was in the medbay (uh-oh) and that she had to get back to Jacob, whom she'd left tied up (hmmm).

The medbay door slid open and what did she see? Chakwas and Miranda leading a knitting circle! Grunt had blue yarn wrapped around two very large knitting needles. Garrus sat beside Chakwas holding mauve yarn for her and Mordin was chattering and knitting pink and blue yarn together rapidly.

"Holy wooly knickers on a stick, what is this? The 3 fingered knitting club? I have really got to stop drinking so much!" She blinked her eyes twice, but the unlikely vision persisted.

"Oh hello Shepard. Karin called me when she couldn't calm Grunt and I suggested a physical and repetitive task might calm him. When I was young and couldn't sleep, I tried knitting, and it worked wonders." _Miranda knits?!_

"And the vivid colors are so attractive to young people, Commander" Chucknuts chimed in. "Grunt particularly loves the blue hues."

"Knit one, pearl two, very strong stitch. Reminds me of double helix DNA. Masterful. Will not unbind," Mordin added without dropping a stitch.

"Science man, I thought you were too busy for hobbies," Shepard quipped.

"Repetition and motion both very good for clear thinking. Occupy the mind so it can work freely. You should try it Commander Shepard, most effective. Delta brain waves enhanced, quiets the mind."

"My mind is fine, Mordin."

"Beg to differ: have seen Dr. T'Soni after you meld. Eyes are wild, dizzy, confused."

"That's because I'm such a stud. Wait, why are we having this conversation?"

Garrus chuckled, "You might listen to Karin and Miranda for once Shepard. I've never felt so peaceful."

"Listen to Miranda? Why?" Liara had snuck up behind Shepard to watch the medbay scene.

"Grunt was agitated, so Miranda suggested to Chucknuts that the ship host a knitting circle. Monkey nuts on a stick!"

"Oh I see. Yes, when I was young my mother and Shiala had me take up knitting when I became overly exited during my flowering stage."

"Flowering stage?"

"When young asari first discover their sexuality. It is a very tumultuous time, Shepard."

"Oh, creeping Jesus on a pink horse. And who did you bloom with, Liara?"

"Shepard, that was long ago, really! Miranda, for once I approve of your tactics; simply brilliant!"

"You see," Mordin chimed, "another sharp scientific mind agrees, Shepard. You must try. It will be good for Dr. T'Soni." Liara arched a brow.

"I need more light blue yarn," Grunt said.

"Mordin thinks my unquiet mind makes you googly after melding", Shepard said as she grabbed a pack of sky blue yarn and tossed it to Grunt.

Liara giggled, then suffused violet.

"As you were, krogan knitting club, and I am NOT joining you," Shepard barked as she turned around and followed Liara out of the medbay.

"Flowering stage? Really?" Shepard turned to Liara as they walked down the hall together.

"You know that thing I do with my index finger, Shepard? I had to practice that somewhere, didn't I? And knitting so improves manual dexterity," she said with a wink and a sway of her ample hips.

This is so a GI Joe pretend ship, Shepard thought to herself… with Barbie overtones. Next thing you know, they'll be playing dress-up with me.

…..

"No, I am not wearing a cocktail dress. Or a necklace and definitely no heels!"

Kasumi leaned forward and whispered in Shepard's ear, "I think you'd look hot, and I bet you'd drive Liara mad."

"I have never worn heels in my life. I'll wobble, I'll fall. And look at those: I'll get a nosebleed! They must be 5 inch spikes! Motherfucker!"

"Shepard, it is to help Kasumi, and Hock may be in league with those who aid the Collectors." Liara put her most understanding face on, and tried not to giggle.

"And pantyhose, I know there will be pantyhose involved. Evil creation of the acetate and nylon industries designed to give you pussy rot and sell more vaginal creams!"

"Shepard, I have a complete outfit here for you. Black, sexy cocktail dress with a little pocket for a pistol. Matching heels that are only 3" and a silver choker that Liara can lead you around with after the mission is done."

"Mmmm," Liara couldn't help herself.

"Damned silver dog collar! No. You dress like the girl Kasumi and I'll be your escort."

"Shepard, though Hock has never seen my face, it would be much safer if it were someone unknown, like you. And you could fit right in at the party. You're strong, dominant and have a little of that underworld edge that will fit right in with the galaxy's top evil doers. And the pantyhose are crotchless."

"Oh goddess!"

"Oh fuck!"

"Good. Then we are all in agreement? We'll make our way into Hock's vault and I'll recover my partner's gray box. You, Ms. art-loving Commander, will also see some priceless works by Da Vinci and Michelangelo. We can record a video feed so you can revisit these masterpieces at your leisure and I'm sure Liara will enjoy the mission diary as well."

Shepard turned and narrowed her eyes at Liara. The asari smiled simply and patted Shepard's shoulder. "Commander, you are as ever the savior of those in need." Somehow Shepard knew there was a second meaning in Liara's statement.

"Fine, fine. But I wear a coat to the airlock so no one on board sees me."

"The mission will be just you and me, Shepard, so no one else need to see you," Kasumi assured her.

A few hours later they'd arrived in orbit above planet Bekenstein, home of Donovan Hock's swanky mansion. The party would begin in an hour and they'd shuttle down since the Normandy would be a wee bit conspicuous. Shepard wore a brown military blanket over her outfit and an N7 cap. Her shapely calves topping black heels still gave her away. Liara has applied foundation over the Commander's scars, and went to town with the mascara and lipstick.

"Commander Barbie at your service," Shepard grumbled.

Joker's cameras swiveled and zoomed. He buzzed Jacob and Garrus, who suddenly decided to lounge near the airlock.

"Commander, you look… like wow. Say can I take a photo with my omni-tool?"

"Fuck off Jacob, and what are you two doing here?"

"Oh, just working on a sensor recalibration, Shepard," Garrus said as he 'accidentally' stepped on the corner of her blanket as she passed briskly, thus pulling it off.

"Vakarian, you will pay for that!"

"Ooo, that's almost as hot as the teddy, Commander! Please let me take a photo to show Jack."

"Jacob!"

Miranda pulled up behind, and looked the Commander up and down before bawling with laughter. "Is it October already? Halloween's here before you know it!"

Shepard bolted into the shuttle as Kasumi chased after her. Liara waved to them and helped Miranda off the floor.

"Best ship ever!" Jacob shouted, giving Garrus a high five.


End file.
